Mothers

...some innermost thoughts from melissa...

So, today I've been thinking about Mia's biological mom. Actually, I've been listening to more adoption stories (who me??), and there were a couple that really struck me. They weren't women from China, so their stories aren't exactly the same, but wow. They cut through my heart. What these women go through to bear a child they don't raise themselves. Holy cow. I, absolutely can NOT imagine it. I mean I absolutely understand why some feel like they can't parent - for whatever reason. But I can't imagine what PAIN they must feel. To suffer, worry, think about... or force yourself not to think about... stuff down... the little piece of your heart that left that day. Unimaginable.

Lil M will never be mine biologically. But, man, I can't imagine not having been touched by this amazing little person. And what her mother must have gone through. Undoubtedly, torture. Even if she pushed the emotions down, or told herself she had to. Or if someone else did it. I just wish she could know the ABSOLUTE and UTTER JOY that Mia is. And I get to raise her. Who is blessed here? I can't even truly express it in words.

Amazing. I mean honest to God, lay prostrate on the ground, THANK YOU GOD. And thank you, Mia's mother for giving her life. She was her first mother. The one who is connected to her through the physical earth. Through centuries of history and duty and tradition, which are amazing. I can only hope and pray that I can be that connected to Lil M in the center our hearts and spirits and lives together...creating a new history for us both.

You know when I started this journey, I was sort of full of myself.. I mean, I *chose* to adopt. I'm a capable woman. I wanted a child. I have a child. But today, I feel so humbled. I have this awesome chance to help another person... become ...whatever she wants to become. I can tear her down or build her up. I absolutely could not love her more if she came from my body....

Peace.