Hrmph. Ok, I was talking to my friend Scott tonight (sorry Scott), and he said that some people in the "Midwest" look at me as an "Un-wed Mother". ???? What? Insinuating that I'm not as good as a married woman. :( What??
I'm a Single Mom By Choice. No one who goes through the adoption process, for 3 years or LONGER, is an "Un-wed Mother". We get special status, IMO. And I don't care what others think, mostly. But, it sort of hit a sore spot, I guess.
I realize he didn't mean anything bad by it...but the idea just sticks in my crawl. Sorry. Yes, it is true. I'm un-wed. That is by choice. I mean, no I couldn't just go out and get married this second. But, I have had the chance, and I passed it up (for very good reason). Would I get married? Absolutely... to the right man.
Anyhow... anyone who has the idea that I'm an "Un-wed Mother" can kiss my un-wed-mother-ass. That's how I feel about that.
Peace.
The Right Words
20 hours ago
I happen to agree with Scott on this. I mean, what more do you want? We let you vote, we let you smoke, we even let you wear clothing and now you want to go out in public and act any ol' way you please. This week we are celebrating "the glass ceilings" bicentennial and your complaining goes against the spirit of this wonderful societal contribution.
ReplyDeleteI'M JUST KIDDING!!! I think you know me!:-)
In all seriousness, I’m not going to dignify those comments with a rebuttal. While it would be nice for a child to have a mom and a dad, sometimes that isn’t possible. Oh well. As a matter of fact, when talk about abusive relationships it’s best to part instead of staying with that spouse under one roof. As long as the child is loved (which Mia is), and well taken care of (which Mia is) what the heck does it matter? And you sure are not going to marry just any man to satisfy someone’s conventional idea about what a family looks like.
Don’t get to worked up about it. When I was a lesbian I got flack for wanting a baby. Then when I switched, the right guy never came. What am I doing wrong? Well, I think the love of my life lies somewhere in the planet Garguan. They are these green and yellow hermaphroditical slugs that astronomers say are soooooo hot! That’s who I’m waiting for.
Tom
PS
If Scott is the same one who leaves you comments, he seems like a nice guy.
Thanks, Tom. You are right.. what does it matter?
ReplyDeleteFirst, let me say, Scott is the same one who comments here. And, yes, he is a nice guy!! I shouldn't have called him out by name. Sorry, Scott. I was just full of thoughts and emotions about that 'term' last night that I had to get it off my chest.
So, what does it matter? Well, it is the 'term'... that term usually denotes someone who is 16 and got pregnant before marriage. Someone who can't take care of their child or themselves. A very negative comment, in my mind.
NOW. Have I *ever* thought of myself that way??? NO NO NO. I'm a professional, with a college degree. And the idea that some folks at work or otherwise, who could call me that is just hurtful.
Of course, at the same time, I could care less what others think. Trust me, I worry enough. I don't need to worry about this kind of stuff. I can't make people agree with the things that *I see* as normal. Go figure. ha.
Peace.
FWIW, I've *never* heard anyone use the term "unwed mother" to mean anything other than someone who was/had been pregnant and unmarried-- and usually referring to a teenager. Heck, if you used the phrase to cover any single parent, then it would have to also apply to divorced parents! So, I really think "unwed mother" is not what the vast majority of people would call a single parent.
ReplyDeletePersonally, it seems to me that there are some parents (both married and single)who didn't give serious thought & commitment to having a child. - ie. an "oops" baby or having a baby mostly because it's "what people do". In my opinion, deciding to adopt and going through all the wait, just shows how committed the parent(s) is/are.
In any case, the important thing is that you and Mia are happy. Phooey on those few people who can't see the love!
I don't like the idea that since I chose to adopt that I shouldn't get the same help. Almost like since it wasn't an accident then I am not eliglible for the same help!?! Does that make sense. One reason I left the bad job was that pregnant women were given flexible schedules after the birth and return to work where as I was not given that due to my status as an adoptive mom. EEOC said I had no case either.
ReplyDeletebeverly
No one has actually accused me of being an unwed mom yet, but people certainly let me know that my decision to be a single mom by choice is not always a popular one. Which is worse? Having our beautiful children wither away in orphanages or being raised by only a mom? Have we looked around lately...most of the moms I know have been single at some point in their mothering.
ReplyDeleteBeverly... so sorry to hear. That's what I worry about, too.
ReplyDeleteErica - so TRUE!!!! OMG. How many single mom's have you known? Me, quite a few.
Peace.
How do you put up with the stuff I write? What the people who visit your blog must think of me. :)
ReplyDeleteTom
For the love of all that is holy, how old is this guy? 100? Didn't that obnoxious terminology die in the new millenium... AT LEAST?
ReplyDeletePUHLEASE. I know you say he meant well, but come ON...