Singleness and Marriage

As a follow-up to my last post, here's a little bit more about me. I figured I'd share a little, because my life is different than that of the ones I've been reading lately. I'm not a stay-at-home Mom. I'm not married. I'm a 30-something, who adopted my child as a single parent by choice. And, for me, that's the best decision I've ever made.

I am happy with my life, and I believe I'm where God wants me to be. Not every woman has to be married. Not every person has to be married. In Scripture, Paul extols the benefits of being a single person. I'm not knocking marriage. And, as a matter of fact, I will get married if that's where my life leads me. :)

But that's not where I have been for the past few years. Oh, I dated. And dated... but God had some work to do in me before I could be ready to marry. I had to be able to stand on my own two feet and to realize my own worth before I could love someone else, too. We are all different. Some people learn early on that they are worthy of love. Others don't. And then there are those who think that Marriage is the end-all-be-all and it will make them "whole". Well, it doesn't.

God created you whole. And if you aren't feeling whole, it is because there is something you need to learn. That may or may not include marriage. It is not a reason to get married, IMO. Two whole people who get married are the ones who truly love themselves, and their mate, and put their own needs in the mix. If you don't love yourself, you're apt to put the other person first all the time, and eventually will drain yourself (possibly) of all self-esteem you had to begin with. You could be used and abused... and not necessarily even know it. We live in a fallen world.

I wish people would teach their children and loved ones, and especially our young women that it is OK to EITHER be by yourself or be with someone, but that they must love themselves. Love others, yes. But love yourself, too. It is OK to take the path less traveled. And it is OK to get married. But do it for the right reasons.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and soul and mind, and your neighbor as yourself. Just remember, that nowhere does God say that we can't love ourselves. He wants us to love ourselves. We were made in God's image, and that is a good thing. If you don't love yourself, truly, then how can you love others... truly...without being in a place of putting your own self down (guilt, fear, or no self-esteem, etc.). Think about it.

As always,

Peace.

PS. This has nothing to do with my current relationship. I'm very happy with S, and we're waiting to see what the future holds for us. I just wanted to write a little about what I've learned and other options for people out there trying to find themselves and/or a mate.

Determined Relaxation

Is that an oxymoron? I'm determined to not do as much this weekend as we did last weekend!

Last weekend was awesome, and I had a wonderful time. It's just that I can't do that every weekend, and especially this week after trying to get used to the time change. Lil M hasn't been napping well this week, and that adds to the need for a relaxing weekend.

onto another topic:

I have been reading some wonderful blogs, lately. Most probably realize that I'm quite addicted to the whole blogging thing (reading and writing). ;-) I've found some interesting ladies who are either young-ladies staying at home with their parents, hoping for courtship and then marriage... to be homemakers. Questions of extending their education or not, based on not using it later. While I think it is very admirable, and God-seeking to extol the virtues of marriage above career, I thought I'd throw my $.02 out there.

Marriage is a wonderful arrangement, when it works. We live in a fallen world, and so marriage doesn't always turn out like people want/hope/wish for. I'm not saying anyone should go into marriage with the idea it could end. But, frankly, it will eventually. Number 2 reason would be if your partner passes away first. What if that happens when you are young? And have no outside career to fall back on? How will you support your children (assuming you have one or more)? Yes, there is life insurance. Please make sure you get some. But this doesn't always cover everything, and sooner or later, you'll likely have to find work outside the home. Well, unless you're farming, and then you might be able to make do.

The number 1 reason (unfortunately) would be divorce. Now, I realize that people go into marriage thinking it will never happen to them. But... it does. Especially in our world. Maybe not today, or 5 years from now, but what about 30 years from now? What then? Do you have skills that you can use to get a job outside the home? Highly likely. But, will it pay the bills?

Keeping some type of outside work, volunteering, educational growth (a degree) will help you if something should happen to your partner or your marriage. What happens if your partner gets in an accident and he can't work? He was the bread-winner... and now someone else has to be. It has now fallen on your shoulders... what do you do?

Now, don't get me wrong. I really think the idea of young people slowing down, courting and the like is wonderful. I just think that our young women need to be prepared if something should happen, to be able to continue to take care of their families as best they can. If you can't provide for your children outside the home, and should you get divorced... the likeliness is that the husband would get the children.

I realize that keeping a realistic eye on the future probably makes me sound like a defeatist. But, I'm not. I'm a realist. I believe in family and all its virtues. I also know the dark side of divorce. By keeping your personal growth in mind, if you never needed to use it outside the home, how would it hurt? You could surely use it to benefit inside your home (like, accounting, finance, education degrees - to homeschool better)...

Just my thoughts. I find it all so fascinating how our world and cultures are so different! But all have some great qualities. :)

Peace.