Emotions

I'm having a bit of a rough night... thankfully, the days are getting a little better, but for some reason today's been worse. Having one of those poor-pity-me evenings... you know, when you don't feel like you can ever do anything right?

So, let's see, here are some general thoughts I've had today:

Why am I here again? I mean... alone. What is my problem? Why can't I seem to get it right?

Thank God that Mia hasn't been asking about Scott. Not in a few days, anyway, so that has been a little comforting. I know she will say something at some point, but I'm just glad she isn't for now. That's right. She'll get over him, too. Frankly, I can't wait, because I think he was a real asshole how he ended things.

The whole thing still makes me completely sick to my stomach. And angry. And sad. And, I'm trying to work through it... because, well, I have to. So, this is just another general vent about the whole situation.

On the other hand, let's see... Lil M is just as sweet as ever. I already posted the pics from today. I think her wanting to sit in her swing tonight (for the first time in months) was kind of what brought up some of these emotions for me. He bought her that swing... at the same time. It is just a swing. And I'm trying to take the emotional part away from it, because it isn't worth all that effort.

On the potty front... she's been doing well. She had a daytime accident for the first time in MONTHS the other day, but it was the only one. It was just a little accident. Overnight, she's been doing well, too. She had two wet nights this week, so far, so that's not too bad. :) I know she "gets it" mostly... and it's going to take time to be 100% dry. I actually think she's doing great!

Now, let's hope for another dry night and no talking about you-know-who anytime soon. Oh, and sleep. I slept for crap last night. :( I really need to get back on track with that. I haven't been doing so well for awhile now, and this situation hasn't made it any better. So, here's to less stress and more sleep.

Peace.

Lil M and her swing

Lil M and her BFF MK2... they were playing with "her" phone this morning...
Ok, Lil M cracks me up. I have left her baby swing sitting in the family room for months... and she's getting kind of big to swing in it.... I mean, technically, she still weighs under the max weight for the swing... but she is 3 now!! I just hadn't put it in the shed... Here's the proof. ;-)



Oh, and the mark on her face was from a fall on the sidewalk at daycare. :( But, of course, she's fine!

Peace.

Asian American Perspective

I've often wondered just how much "culture" I was/am supposed to incorporate/teach to my daughter... of course, I really have no idea. And I believe culture is not something learned like the ABC's, but more instilled in us... And don't get me wrong, even though I haven't tried too much yet, due to my daughter's age, I do plan to take her to Chinese school, FCC events, and any type of cultural events I can find. Well, that's the plan. Sort of feels superficial to me, but it can't hurt to try. Right?

This article written by an adoptee, tells me that some adoptees might feel the way that I thought they might... that being Asian American is what should be looked at more closely (not saying to not try to incorporate cultural identity).

Still, I'm willing to bet that many adoptees - if they are anything like me - will end up relating more to the Asian American experience than to the traditions in a far-off land that they have no memory of.

When I was a teen I had no interest in Taiwan or my Chinese birth family. As a young adult, I met my birth family. I bonded with my biological sisters, felt intoxicated with the bustling city of Taipei and learned Mandarin. Still, I came to understand I don't "fit in" completely. For me, the language, cultural and emotional barriers are simply too great.

Parents who ask me "how much culture" they think they should "give" their children must remember: culture is not inborn. It's organic and must evolve over time. While it's important to embrace where a child comes from, it is also essential to recognize that their current experience as an Asian in America is just as authentic and interesting as the one they might have had in the land of their birth.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/opinions/2009/11/06/2009-11-06_its_dangerous_to_push_culture_on_adopted_kids.html#ixzz0W6Ssa8MB - Hopgood is a journalist and author of "Lucky Girl" (Algonquin Books), a memoir about her relationship with her birth parents.

Anyway, just more thoughts for National Adoption Month. :) I certainly want and will try to the best of my ability to help foster my daughter's identity. However she wants to look at herself and our situation, and her own life story.

Peace.

National Adoption Month

So, November is National Adoption Month. I've been posting on FB different links and ways to participate in this month as an advocate for adoption. I will continue to do that here, too, for the rest of the month.

Today - I ask anyone who reads this to please send up a prayer for all the children who need homes, for whatever reason. To think that we have 143 million children in the world (i'll double-check that, but not right this second) that are orphans or in need of a family is just beyond terrible.

God bless the children. Please move our hearts to help them wherever, however, whenever we can.

For me, I didn't adopt to save a child. But I do realize that there are so many children in need, and I can see how that would be a reason to adopt. But even if you sponsor a child or an adoption agency... those things are helpful, too! The link and picture to An Orphan's Wish is one such agency that you can sponsor an individual child with special needs. And...make a difference.

Peace.

Weekend Update

Lil M had fun last night going trick or treating with Aiyee Mimi and Geempa (grandpa). I let her wear her costume all day yesterday and she really seemed to enjoy that, too.

Here's the one pic I liked from the pumpkin patch that I didn't get posted before.

Lil M and grandpa went trick or treating...

Lil M and Aiyee Mimi go trick-or-treating...


I'm still having a rough time this weekend, but I guess I'll have to figure how to get over it at some point.

Peace.