Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Are you an adoptive family? Well, if you're not, you might not realize how conspicuous we feel sometimes. Yes, we're different. No, we don't look "alike" exactly. It is even more obvious in the summer. I like to stay my traditional pastie white, LOL, and Lil M definitely gets some sun and looks gorgeous. But we're even more conspicuous.

And these days... I'm trying to not let it bother me as much. It's been one of the biggest challenges to me since we've been home... to always be asked, questioned... looked at. People (including well-meaning Sis and Scott) tell me to ignore it. And, I should. Should be able to, that is! But if you know me... and a lot of you do... I can't ignore it sometimes. And sometimes it gets under my skin.

Now. This doesn't mean that I have any problem whatsoever with us looking different. Clearly, we're going to look different, from each other, as well as the societal norm. And while most people are really gracious and nice in general... sometimes it can just feel like we're on display. What is an OK question when your child is a baby is NOT an ok question when they start growing up and understanding what people are saying.

So, I'm working on it. I'm working on my answers to intrusive questions. I'm working on ignoring the stares. I'm working on how to show Lil M each day that we are really normal and that it's other peoples' problem if they think we are different.

Don't get me wrong. We ARE different. But we are the SAME, too. And to this end, I can totally understand why GLBT folks have such a hard time with society telling them how and what they should or shouldn't be. I mean really. We're all just trying to get through the best we know how.

And if we're conspicuous, so be it. :D (as I shudder and try to remind myself people are just curious, i hope.)

I knew what I was getting in to. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Lil M has been just an amazing, enormous blessing. But I do respect our family and want to do right by her.

So, the next time you see a family that looks a little different from what you expect of the "norm", please remember... we're just trying to live our lives too. We are more than willing to discuss adoption issues, why we adopted and things of that nature. But our childrens' stories are their own, and our family is just that. Family. Please be respectful.



  1. It is rather sad that people stop and stare or ask questions as they do. What you have done by adopting Mia is a very special and precious thing. God knew that you and Mia were meant for one another and he also knew that you will continue to be an excellent mother. Dont let any of those non understanding and rude boneheads ever let you think differently.

  2. Thanks, Frankie! I try not to worry as much about it these days, but sometimes it still happens. :) I do believe like you said, that God meant for us to be family (out of her loss, of course). And I'm forever thankful for that!! :)


  3. I totally get how you feel. Sometimes, I just want to go to Target, I don't want to be a walking advertisement for international adoption, right? But it comes with the territory. I'm trying to learn grace & patience and do my best to ignore and move on. But it's not always easy. People are amazingly insensitive.