Saturday, February 28, 2009

Weekend so far

We went out with Scott last night, to Bucca de Beppos... YUM. One of my favorite foods is cheese ravioli with a good sauce, and they have one of the best!!! We were stuffed by the time we were done! :) It was a good half-birthday for Lil M!

Today, Lil M and I just hung out with the dogs and Manna all day. All are well. Maggi has even been barking a little less outside.... I let them out this morning, and she actually stayed out for 1/2 hour or so without barking once! And when she did today, I knocked on the door and she stopped. Wow. Might be making progress. :D They LOVE chicken jerkey, so I gave them what was left, after being good outside.

Lil M is working on her ABC's...and sings them all the time! Well, wants ME to sing them all the time! hahaha. She's not quite in tune... actually, hoping she's not tone deaf, ROFL, but she's trying!!! She's getting pretty good at them, actually.

I watched a movie tonight called "America" about a boy in foster-care. It was pretty good. Sad movie, not over-the-top sad, though. Ending could have been better. But I say that about pretty much every movie I've ever seen...

I have a bit of a headache again, but am hoping to head it off at the pass this time. We might go to the Circus tomorrow. Let's see what the day brings!!


Friday, February 27, 2009

Update - KY SB68

Apparently, the Senator who wrote me and said that KY Senate Bill 68 had been withdrawn, was wrong. :(

I have since found out that this bill is sitting in Judiciary Review and so I have written each of it's members. I'm hoping you will, too. So, if you want to concentrate on a smaller group for now, this'd be the one!!

Please write your Senator if you are in KY, and add these folks to your list!! I'm praying it will 'die' in Judiciary review... but there aren't any guarantees.


Thursday, February 26, 2009

2.5 tomorrow!!!

Lil M will be 2.5 years old tomorrow!! She is the light of my life. :) But of course, right?!


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I can't hardly think straight

I am beside myself upset over this issue here in Kentucky, as I've already written. I had two people write to me today and tell me that they would NOT like to see a foster child in a home with cohabiting parents (read: not married). WHAT? You'd rather see them in an orphanage???? She said, YES. She thinks that is in the best interest of the child! An orphanage is better. OMG. And she's an a-parent.

I realize we all have our different thoughts regarding marriage. I'm all for marriage. What I am NOT for is for someone to tell me I have to get married. It is my life. And if I don't get married and I want to live with someone, that is between ME, GOD, and my SO. And, if I or we want to adopt or foster a child/ren... so what of it?

The next thing is how are you going to MAKE SURE that the person isn't cohabiting with someone? What if they have a roommate? Is that banned now? The first line says "cohabiting with a person outside of marriage" it doesn't say sexual relationship... slippery slope...

I'm so angry tonight, because I feel like whatever I do it isn't going to be enough to help, and we're going to be stuck with this back-water legislation here in my state. Unbelievable. I've written Senators. I've gotten the word out on Facebook and Myspace. But who cares? The reality is that if they want to get it passed, it'll pass. And it is beyond stupid.

If you do nothing else, will you pretty please PRAY with all your heart that God will not allow this bill to go through. That is the only other thing I haven't put out there as a global prayer request, though I did ask a fellow co-worked to add it to their Sunday prayer list...

Please, Dear Lord, please do not let this bill 68 pass. Please let us find a way to squash it like the bug it is. Forever and ever, amen.


KY Senate Bill 68 - unbelievable

AN ACT relating to the welfare of adopted and foster care children.

Be it enacted by the General Assembly of the Commonwealth of Kentucky:


(1) The Kentucky General Assembly finds that it is in the best interest of a child in need of adoption or foster care to be reared or placed in a home in which the adoptive or foster parents are not cohabiting outside of a marriage that is legally valid in Kentucky.

(2) An applicant shall not be approved to provide foster care or relative caregiver services to a child, or approved to receive a child for adoption if the applicant is cohabiting with a sexual partner outside of a marriage that is legally valid in Kentucky.

(3) The Cabinet for Health and Family Services shall promulgate an administrative regulation to implement this section.

(4) This section shall be known as "The Child Welfare Adoption Act."

(5) This section shall not apply to children placed for adoption prior to the effective date of this Act.


Create a new section of KRS Chapter 199 to prohibit the approval of foster care, relative caregiver services, or adoption of a child by an applicant who is cohabiting with a sexual partner outside of a marriage that is legally valid in Kentucky; create the short title "The Child Welfare Adoption Act"; exempt children placed for adoption prior to the effective date of this Act; amend KRS 199.470 to conform.

I'm so horrified. Trying to find ANY way to get people to see how wrong this is... sorry to belabor it on my blog, but it is just wrong what they are trying to do.


Monday, February 23, 2009

If you are in KY - SB 68

Please, please, please write to your senator(s) to OPPOSE Senate bill 68. Here is the link. Most of this can be done via email these days and doesn't take too much time.

Senators by County - KY


This has just got to stop. Is there not one righteous person left in this world that will stand up for what is right?


Kentucky Discriminates against Singles

Senate Bill 68: 'Kids Lose Homes, Kentuckians Lose Millions Act'


KY has senate bill 68 that would make it so that any person who wants to adopt or foster a child while co-habitating with someone they aren't "legally married to" ILLEGAL. (not that i'm co-habitating with anyone... and i'm fully hetero, but what's next? NO Singles allowed to adopt at all???)

This is what it says:

Introduced by Sen. Gary Tapp (R) on February 5, 2009, to prohibit someone who is cohabitating with a sexual partner outside of marriage from becoming a foster parent, providing relative caregiver services, or adopting a child. The bill exempts situations in which a child was placed for adoption prior to this bill becoming effective.

So, anyone who lives with a boyfriend or girlfriend... even of the opposite sex, or people who live in a 'common law' marriage CANNOT adopt or foster. What, HUH??

part of one article:
..."The deceptively-worded bill is identical to a measure recently passed in Arkansas that prohibits adoption or foster care by an applicant "cohabiting with a sexual partner outside of a marriage that is legally valid in Kentucky." The language of the bill renders not just same-gender couples unfit to parent, but countless heterosexual couples that could serve as "next of kin" placement for children in need. The state would be forced to provide millions in additional foster care, an irresponsible burden to add to the Commonwealth's economic crisis. "

Anything you can do to help would be appreciated - write or call the stupid Senator...

The Fairness Campaign group is meeting this Wednesday in Frankfort to show support AGAINST this awful bill.

This first link will take you to a page where you can send a letter:

Send a Letter PLEASE :\

And, so help me, if someone tries to write to me and say that's not what this will come to... well, be warned... I'm very upset about this. This is discrimination, and it isn't right. And you don't want to see the wrath of Melissa. Red, I tell you. I'm seeing red.


Kentucky Discriminates against Singles

Senate Bill 68: 'Kids Lose Homes, Kentuckians Lose Millions Act'

OMG, I'm SEEING RED. KY has senate bill 68 that would make it so that any person cohabiting with someone they aren't "legally married to" ILLEGAL. (not that i'm cohabiting with anyone... and i'm fully hetero, but what's next? NO Singles allowed to adopt at all???)

Anything you can do to help would be appreciated - write or call the

They are having a sit-down this wednesday in Frankfort.

This first link will take you to a page where you can send a letter:

Senate Bill 68: 'Kids Lose Homes, Kentuckians Lose Millions Act'
Send a Letter PLEASE\

Saturday, February 21, 2009

rainy day

It is yucky here today... kind of goes with how I feel. I've been battling a migraine since Thursday, oh boy. :(

I decided, though, before the freezing rain comes that we should get a couple of necessary items at the store. So, Lil M and I just went out in the rain. When we came out of the store, and I was putting our stuff in the trunk, a man came up and actually helped me... out of the blue. Now, in today's world that can be a little scary, but since it is raining, I have a 2 year old in the cart and we're getting drenched... I found it a welcome offer. He even took our cart back for me. Wow, there are some nice people still out there in the world.

Oh, and Lil M didn't have any accidents while we were out. :) We weren't gone long, but you know 2 year olds...sometimes they forget to tell you when they need to go.

Back to laying on the couch for me... meds taken, Lil M fed...


Friday, February 20, 2009

better pic

The M word...

That would be migraine. :( They suck. And I have been fighting one for 3 days now. Damn. They make me very cranky. I was hoping to have people over tomorrow, but I'm just feeling like crap, so I'm postponing it. I felt like I should let them know case I'm really not feeling good. But I'm bummed.

So, I'm going to lay back down now... let's hope for a better day tomorrow!!


Thursday, February 19, 2009

pic update

of course everyone noticed just how messy the room was! oh boy. but...that's life. lol :) i guess we've come out of the MESSY closet.... truthfully, it isn't always that bad... but I do have a tendency to fold clothes and then stack them up...before taking them to put away. it would help if laundry wasn't never-freakin-ending! lol

In this pic Mia was blowing pretend bubbles using a toy flat-head screwdriver... btw

i'm trying to get over a migraine tonight. i pray i wake up feeling better tomorrow.


{Sincerely 'Fo Me to You} Idle Hands

{Sincerely 'Fro Me to You} Idle Hands

Here's a pic that probably won't make it into the scrapbooks... ok, maybe it will AFTER I crop the heck out of it. ha


Wednesday, February 18, 2009


Works for Me Wednesdays...

Let's see, this is my first-ever post about what works for me in our household... thought I'd give it a go! :)

Something that helps me keep Lil M's daycare laundry caught up and ready for the next week is that I have 2 sets of the needed items. So, I wash her blanket/sheets, etc, each weekend, but I've already put her clean stuff in her bag and into the car so that it is ready to go Monday morning and I don't forget to send her with her naptime blankies!! Before I did this, I was always forgetting... 'cause I'm that lame! ;-) LOL

Check out for other great tips!!


Monday, February 16, 2009


This weekend was pretty productive. Not only did I get stuff done at the house... you know, the usual laundry, laundry and more laundry... but we went to see Sis and helped her get some things put where she wanted them. Had a 3 day weekend and that was nice, too.

Oh, I also got a dozen roses from my sweetie for Valentine's day, with chocolates! :) Flowers and chocolate both, boy, does he know me or what?! hehe. Sis got me some chocolate covered fortune cookies and Lil M a plush heart stuffed toy for Valentine's day. Me... well, I didn't get anyone anything!!! ROFL. Yes, I'm that lame. But you all know I love you... hope that is enough this year. ;-)

Anyway, nothing else much to write about for now...


Wednesday, February 11, 2009


I've wondered sometimes why they put Adoptive parents under a microscope before allowing us to be parents, whereas a "normal" person can just have a baby (or LOTS of babies) on a whim. One thing that occurred to me (DUH) was that our children are special. And I don't mean in a bad way, but they do have one thing in common that biological families don't...and that is loss. I, personally, think it is the responsible thing to check on the person/people that will parent a child from that unique perspective. Think about it. Our children had a parent or parents who decided that, for whatever reason, they could not raise into adulthood. They were left. Some with a plan, others with none. This is a tremendous loss. I believe that it makes an enormous impact on our children, regardless of how old they are, because sooner or later they will know that they were given up by someone. And that age-old question might arise... am I lovable? How can I be lovable if my (bio) mom and dad left me? Gave me up?

Of course, it is my hope that I can always show Lil M that she is lovable and loved (always and forever) by me. And, frankly, it is a replacement for her. That doesn't make it any less important or genuine or viable. It could make us different, but it is our normal. I can't parent from a negative place, but I do need to keep it in mind. I need to remember, for her sake. So, that when she needs to she can talk to me about it.

I am highly biased, for sure, but I believe it takes a special kind of person to parent a special kind of child. The wonderful thing is that I also believe that we are ALL special in our own ways and that God puts us where we learn, grow and love each other using those attributes. We just have to figure out what that means for our own lives. I wish everyone could experience the journey of adoption. But I know that isn't realistic.

By the way, I'm not suggesting that other children don't suffer losses. They do.


day 2

Today is day 2 that Lil M is in big girl pants for daycare... she had a couple of accidents last night, of course, but she's doing really well with the potty training overall. She's moving forward, but I do realize that she's not 100% ready to be diaper-free... at night is a given, but even maybe during the day or evening... so, well, we're working on it. :)


Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Adoption Story Share

Got this on facebook... I'm not going to tag anyone, but feel free to participate!! :)

Here is your chance to tell your story! Copy and Paste the questions into a new note and tag your friends! Learn a little more about their experience and what adoption was like for them!

1. When did you decide to adopt?
In my late 20's I felt like adoption was an option for me. I started investigating in the fall of 2004. I got a singles' slot at CCAI at the beginning of Jan 2005. It was the only singles' slot I applied for.

2. Was it a hard decision to make?
Absolutely not. It felt right from the start.

3. Why did you decide to adopt?
I really wanted to be a Mom, and I didn’t feel like I had to be married to make that happen.

4. Did you choose an International or Domestic adoption?

5. Where did you adopt from?

6. Why did you choose that place?
I liked their program. It was very straight-forward (albeit, a ton of paperwork, but they're all that way), and I liked their stability.

7. Do you incorporate any traditions from that location into your child's life?
I am trying to. It is hard, though, because sometimes I feel like a fake... but I am working on it. Chinese New Year is a big holiday for China, so that's the first holiday I've incorporated.

8. When did you receive your referral?
May 4, 2007, 18 months after Log in.

9. How old was your child at that point?
8 months

10. How did you receive the news that he/she was going to be yours?
My agency called my sister and I... conference call. She sent us both the picture of Mia and Sis opened it first!! LOL It was quite neat, actually, and I was SO glad Mindy was there.

11. Were you able to go visit your child before family day?
Technically, for me, our meeting was one day and the 2nd day was the our official adoption day. Other than that, no.

12. When the time came, did you go get your baby or was he/she delivered to you?
We traveled to China, then on the 3rd day there we took a bus to the location where the babies were.

13. How long was your wait?
My actual wait from being logged in (LID) was 18 months. I started the process in January of 2005 and Mia came home June 28, 2007. So, about 2.5 years total, from beginning to home.

14. What was your reaction seeing your baby and knowing she was yours?

15. How old was your child when your brought him/her home?
She was 9.5 months when we met, and 10 months (and one day) when we arrived home!

16. When is your Family Day?
June 19

17. Do you celebrate it? If yes, What do you do?
Last year I sat and reminisced... she was a baby still. This year, we'll celebrate somehow. Special dinner and maybe go out that day.

18. How long did you have to stay in country, or state?
14 days

19. Did you have a shower Pre/Post baby or not at all?
We had a baby shower / first birthday party all in one once we got home and got settled a little bit. I do wish I would have had one before meeting her, but by the time I knew her specifics... we were ready to go!

20. How was the transition home? Any bonding difficulties?
We have seemed to do very well, overall. The first week was the roughest for me and her both. I'm lucky that she's so easy-going.

21. If you had to do it all over again, would you?
In a heart beat. Absolutely.

22. Do you plan on adopting again?
I'm definitely considering it. Trying to weigh the sibling aspect vs the money and where from.


Monday, February 9, 2009


So, I was reading about 2 year old milestones... and for the range of 2-3 years old, Lil M has hit almost all of the ones listed below. She is 2 years, 5 months old and will be 2.5 on Feb 27.

I don't know how many words she knows now, but it seems to be quite a lot. We have a book of 100 words, and she knows most of them. Plus lots of others and can speak in short sentences. I need to measure her, but last time I measured her she was 31.5" tall... which would make her 62" tall as an adult... so, I'm guessing between 5' and 5' 2" or so. Cool. :)

She is not overly demanding, but is definitely possessive... "MY mommy, MY meow...etc". Which, of course. I think is pretty adorable. lol

One of her most recent things is for me to sing the ABC song over and over... she can even sing part of it with me. (QRS, XY and Z and maybe another letter here or there)

She is also asking to go potty very consistently now... many times a day. She is dry almost all day every day (at home)... and, so, we went and got her big girl undies last night. :)


Physical development:

  • Like to run, jump, climb, and swing.
  • May show interest in toilet training.
  • Cuts last of baby teeth (20).
  • Reaches ½ of adult height by 2 ½ years.
  • May continue to use both hands equally well.
  • Can scribble and make marks on paper - may miss paper and mark on table or floor.
  • Can put clothes on, but not able to button or snap.
  • Will explore toys and objects by sorting, poking, pulling, or imitating others.

Social/emotional development:

  • Enjoys being near and playing beside others.
  • Wants to do it himself.
  • Routines are important and builds secure feelings.
  • May develop fears.
  • Moves to extremes - from loveable to demanding.
  • Will feel positive or negative about self-based on feedback from others.
  • Impulsive, easily distracted, & excitable.
  • Can become easily frustrated with activities/people.
  • Likes people.

Language/intellectual development:

  • Can speak in 2-3 word sentences.
  • May know 200 to 1000 words, but does not speak them all.
  • Enjoys talking.
  • Uses "I," "me," "mine," and "you" often.
  • Remembers where objects are when named.
  • Remembers routines, past events, & names of people.
  • May identify the picture with the object (apple in book with the fruit on the table).

Friday, February 6, 2009

My Own... and having a child

I've been wanting to write this for some time, so this is not an admonition to anyone... just thoughts from my heart.

Questions from people:

1. Do you want to have a child of your own someday (asking me after they know I'm already a Mom)?
...answer: I have a child of my own.
...response: Well, you know what I mean...
...answer: Yes, I know what you mean... you mean do I want to have a biological child. I don't know. But if I have another child he or she may come from adoptin.

2. What about her REAL mom?
...response: Lil M has two real mothers. I, however, get the absolute joy and blessing of raising her.

Adding to that, most people assume that either I or Lil M's bio Mom is the "real" mom...and discount the other. I don't feel that way. Most believe the bio mom is the real mom. Just like they assume that "having" a child equates to "birthing" a child. Just because we've always allowed people to equate having to birthing doesn't mean it is that way, nor does it have to be that way.

If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten. And, in this case it is crap (IMO). Sorry.

I wish so much that we could change how people talk sometimes... it's so ingrained in us and we don't realize it can hurt someone's feelings. I do believe people don't say these things to hurt my feelings... but it does. And, God knows how it might make Lil M feel. And that's my priority. I never, ever want her to think she's not "my own child". Because she is. I also want her to know that she has two very real mothers. We just don't know one of them. That doesn't make her any less real, though. Just like it doesn't make me any less real because my blood doesn't run through her veins.

Speaking of which, if you want to get Biblical about it, we ALL share the SAME BLOOD. First from Adam and Eve and 2nd from Jesus. So... ponder that....


PS. Mia means "my" or "mine" in both Latin and Italian. One of the reasons I named her that.

My honey

My honey at his ski trip this week! I'm sure he's having fun!! :)


Thursday, February 5, 2009


Today I'm reading articles related to the woman who had octuplets. Yikes. I know I don't know her whole story, so I can't really comment other than to say that I can't imagine having 8 babies inside of me (can anyone??) ... or 8 at one time... or 8 ever (j/k if they were spanned out maybe... maybe not, who knows). I do, however have this obsession with large families!! I love to read about them.

It got me thinking about my single-ness, single motherhood by choice, and adopting vs bearing a child or children. As far as I know, I can bear children. No reason to think I couldn't. Have I had the urge to carry a child in my womb? Not so much. This is for a variety of reasons I will not go into, but I did and do want to be a MOM. So, I adopted. And, if I choose to have more, it will be via adoption (99% certainty). What I wonder is why people who know they have a problem with fertility choose to put themselves through so much pain to try to bear a child. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think that birth is amazing. I've seen it first-hand with my sister. I get that. But, from what I've read and heard, fertility treatment is really sucky. For a variety of reasons... doesn't take, miscarriage, medicine reactions...

I guess this is where adoption seems to be "second best" in a lot of peoples' minds. Which saddens me so much, because I Just Don't Get It. (i would be more emphatic, but then you might think I'm yelling at you! lol)

I can't imagine my life without Lil M, and frankly, I am SO glad I took that route. I guess it could work out differently, but so could a child birthed into the family. Anyway, it's just what's been on my mind today.

This is absolutely not to point fingers at anyone. I know we all have different perspectives and such. I just wonder. Adoption is such an amazing experience... I pray that others will open their hearts and minds to that option.


Wednesday, February 4, 2009


Today was a fairly ordinary day. I'm still excited for Sis and her good news, but on the home-front...

I'm a little aggravated with Skippy (my english setter). He had a potty issue last week. I understand that. But two days in a row now he's pooed in his bed. UGH. He'll go months without any issues... ok, not quite as long as Maggi, who is really, really good (*unless she's got a poo issue, then it's bad). Anyway, this too shall pass... but it just made me a bit crabby tonight. This is why I didn't do much over the weekend, I didn't want to leave Skippy home to have an accident in his bed. And now, after his issues are over (read: no diarrhea), he's still crapping in his bed.

Otherwise, everything else is extremely ordinary and boring today. Lil M is great. She's still got a bit of a cold, but overall fine. Work was good. Scott's on a ski trip with his brother and Sis is having a good let's see what tomorrow brings. lol


Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Good news!

Good news... Sis went to court (yes, again) yesterday for the divorce pre-trial. The judge said that if the EX didn't show proof that he had health insurance for Chase that SIS would get CUSTODY!!! Now, this means that they will still share parenting, but she'll be the custodial parent! And, she gets to move him to the school in her district!!! WOOOOOOT!!!!!!!! (can you tell I'm excited??!!) This has been 2 years in the making.



Monday, February 2, 2009

budget and such

Time to get organized. I have decided this year to actually try to live by my budget. What a concept. I mean, I wrote it ALL down. I generally have a good idea of what I'm paying and what is needed for the month, but last year got me out of whack, so I'm back to writing it all down and following it. My number one goal this year is to work on paying off the credit cards. So, here's what I've been doing over the past week:

2009 budget - complete
grocery list / budget - complete
february weekly menu - planned
taxes - done

The money stuff is kind of scary right now, but I'm determined to fix it. I can't think about a 2nd adoption until I do. So... one step at a time. Meanwhile, I will pray about what the future holds.

I've never done a monthly menu before, but I was trying to get an idea of what my actual grocery bill is, and so I went for it. Let's see if I actually use it! lol


Sunday, February 1, 2009


I got a hand-held blender type thing to make smoothies with for Christmas. Man, does that thing rock! LOVE IT. I've been making really blueberry-chocolate smoothies this week. Yum! I make it with 1% milk, ice, chocolate syrup and blueberries.

Now, I need to find some more recipes to try. I got blueberries for a dollar a pint at the grocery and so I got quite a few. Love blueberries. So does Lil M. Though, I haven't given her much of the smoothies, she has tried it and liked it too.


Bloggin Church

Ok, so last night I read a passage in my little book that I try to read daily... "Joy & Strength". It is a wonderful devotional. I don't read it every single day, I admit, but it is my favorite. So, I thought I'd share a bit. I was going to do this on my other blog, but felt like it might be more appropriate here today, because of the article I posted yesterday.

Exodus 3:7 : And the Lord said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows.

Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary says:
3:7-10 God notices the afflictions of Israel. Their sorrows; even the secret sorrows of God's people are known to him. Their cry; God hears the cries of his afflicted people. The oppression they endured; the highest and greatest of their oppressors are not above him. God promises speedy deliverance by methods out of the common ways of providence. Those whom God, by his grace, delivers out of a spiritual Egypt, he will bring to a heavenly Canaan.

Psalm 106:44 Nevertheless He looked upon their distress When He heard their cry;

And back to my little book:
Thou knowest, Lord, the weariness and sorrow of the sad heart that comes to Thee for rest;
Cares of today, and burdens for tomorrow,
Blessings implored, and sins to be confessed;
I come before Thee at Thy gracious word,
And lay them at Thy feet, --Thou knowest, Lord. (Jane Borthwick)

These words really hit me last night. God does know me. He knows me! He knows every single one of us. This isn't just talking about Egypt. It is for me too. It is for you. It is in the here and now. God does know my sorrows, my fears, my weariness. He does know my joys and happiness and blessings. I can sit at His feet and let that comfort wash over me, HE KNOWS. And, what's more, loves me anyway. God has seen my my deepest sorrows, yearnings and those things I cannot put into words. HE KNOWS.

This comforts me because I know that God is taking care of me, even when I don't know what or how to ask...or even how to talk about whatever "it" is. This is faith. And even if we falter, God doesn't. Because, again, GOD KNOWS.

This should be a comfort to others, too, who are going through rough times or big changes in their lives.
I promise God will help you get through this. Look at my life over the past 2 years... there have been a lot of ups and downs. Lot of downs... and, yet, GOD KNOWS.

And it is good.


PS. I added some music to the site. Let me know if it is really annoying... I love the songs, some are Christian, some aren't... You can always pause it, I guess, but if it is overkill I'll get rid of it (here anyway) lol.