My Own... and having a child

I've been wanting to write this for some time, so this is not an admonition to anyone... just thoughts from my heart.

Questions from people:

1. Do you want to have a child of your own someday (asking me after they know I'm already a Mom)?
...answer: I have a child of my own.
...response: Well, you know what I mean...
...answer: Yes, I know what you mean... you mean do I want to have a biological child. I don't know. But if I have another child he or she may come from adoptin.

2. What about her REAL mom?
...response: Lil M has two real mothers. I, however, get the absolute joy and blessing of raising her.

Adding to that, most people assume that either I or Lil M's bio Mom is the "real" mom...and discount the other. I don't feel that way. Most believe the bio mom is the real mom. Just like they assume that "having" a child equates to "birthing" a child. Just because we've always allowed people to equate having to birthing doesn't mean it is that way, nor does it have to be that way.

If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten. And, in this case it is crap (IMO). Sorry.

I wish so much that we could change how people talk sometimes... it's so ingrained in us and we don't realize it can hurt someone's feelings. I do believe people don't say these things to hurt my feelings... but it does. And, God knows how it might make Lil M feel. And that's my priority. I never, ever want her to think she's not "my own child". Because she is. I also want her to know that she has two very real mothers. We just don't know one of them. That doesn't make her any less real, though. Just like it doesn't make me any less real because my blood doesn't run through her veins.

Speaking of which, if you want to get Biblical about it, we ALL share the SAME BLOOD. First from Adam and Eve and 2nd from Jesus. So... ponder that....

Peace.

PS. Mia means "my" or "mine" in both Latin and Italian. One of the reasons I named her that.

Can't sleep

I'm sitting here wondering if I will be awake at the stroke of midnight, to see my little ladybug turn to 18 months. I can't sleep. I'm exhausted. But I'm anxious... mind doesn't want to stop thinking, especially about what this week holds.

I'm going to be a Mom. I'm going to have my very own daughter. WOW. I think that tonight it is starting to sink in... this wait has been SO long, that it seems surreal. I guess part of me wonders if it will even happen. I've jumped through all the hoops. I've waited the wait. I've even been patient.

If something goes wrong now, I just don't know what I'll do. And I can't even begin to think about all the mistakes I'm bound to make. oh heavens.

Please Lord, let it be..... good. All good.

I'm going to try to sleep again. How on earth am I going to get through the next few days?! Let alone the next few months/years?! (can you tell i'm feeling a snad overwhelmed tonight? but in a good way!!)

food for thought... Mia is short for fem. Michal, meaning Who Resembles God. It is also short for Maria - meanings of "Star of the Sea", "Wished for a child" and "Sea of Bitterness". These are important as my brother's name is Michael and my grandmother's name is Marie. I've also found a separate definition of Mia. Meaning: Mine. Origin: Latin.

Middle name - ElainaMei. the first part is Elaine, which is my sister's middle name, and it means the same as my middle name, Ellen. I have a best friend Ellen. The name means "Light". May is a family name, and Mei is a Chinese version meaning "beautiful".

So, the idea behind her name was two-fold... one, try to give her my initials. silly, perhaps, but what i wanted. and two... to give her my family to be her family, in a familiar way. I also like the sentiment that she's "Mine".

I hope it fits and she doesn't hate it someday.

Peace.