Saturday, May 30, 2009

Down with Strep

I've been absent this week, but it's because I have strep throat. I'm not sure how I got it, but I knew something was wrong when I ended up with an awful sore throat when we got back from the weekend... for no reason. I was concerned it might be strep, but then thought it was just in my head. Well, I went to the Dr. on Thursday and they confirmed it... strep throat. ugh.

I've been on antibiotics since Thursday and the sore throat is better, but I've still got the raging headache and now some great (not) side effects from the antibiotics. I have to take it for 10 days total, 4 times a day! Eek. Oh well. It'll be alright... I just wish I felt better already!! It's pretty out and I want to go garage saling or shopping... but am just going to keep resting.

Anyway, nothing else new going on... Lil M is good. We're still working on potty training, of course. I can't believe that June 19 is 2 years for us already!! I love it! And, then she'll be 3 in August. Time flies!! She's one of the greatest things that's ever happened in my life. :) And quite possibly the best thing! I have more thoughts on that and other stuff, and I'll write about that in a separate post.


Monday, May 25, 2009

Airplane ride

Here's Lil M... :)

Memorial Day and the Big Airplane

God bless our service men and women, all those before, today and those to come on this Memorial Day.

This weekend Lil M got to go on a big airplane ride for the first time since we got home from China (almost 2 years ago)!! We went to see Scott's family for his nephew Preston's graduation from high school. It was a good long weekend. We also celebrated mine and Sis' birthdays on Thursday and ours and Dad's birthdays last night.


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

This is exactly what I needed to see

I had no idea all these people had been adopted. All I can say is, wow. That is awesome. **Note, this is a pro-life ad, which I did not know when I posted it. That is not my intent to promote or offend others, either way.

But I do advocate Adoption and am so pleased that this ad was aired. I like it. I think it shows that life is what you make it. Warts and all. And we all have them. Don't we?



took these the night before last.


WFMW - cold coffee

I used to make fun of my Dad who left the coffee pot sit out all day and then poured himself a cup at 2pm and warmed it up. Eww. It grossed me out for some reason... yet, these days I always make a big pot of coffee and when it is done it let it cool down and put it in the fridge. That's the same thing, pretty much, right? Yet, it doesn't gross me out!!! HAHA. Perhaps it has something to do with putting it in the fridge?

Anyway, in the summertime, this makes it super easy for me to pour myself about 8oz of coffee in a glass, add milk and sweetner...and voila! Iced coffee! Oh, well, I guess I have to add ice, which I don't always do...

I also do this in the winter-time and then on mornings when I don't feel like making a new pot of coffee, I just warm some up. Am I turning into my dad? ;-) Go check out other Works For Me Wednesday ideas here!!


Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Do you ever wonder what your purpose is in life? I mean... really think about it? Well, I have been lately. What is my purpose?

In order to know where you are going, you need to remember where you've been.

I've been struggling a little bit lately with how I always seem to feel differently about almost everything that the people around me do (or that's how it seem to me). Especially the definition of family.

But this is what I've figure out, in my heart. My purpose in life is to live my life to the fullest with the abilities God has given me. And God has opened my heart to a different path than most. Why? I have no idea. Do I think it is partly due to decisions I made (or didn't make) earlier on in my life? Is it because of me and not God? Well, some might argue that it is... but I disagree.

In my early 20's I struggled in relationships. I was afraid. Afraid to love. Afraid to get hurt. I made a TON of mistakes. I had no idea what I wanted my life to be or how I wanted it to look. I was a very, very young Christian and my purpose was not clear to me. All I knew at that time is that I needed to complete my education. That I needed to finish that goal. That took a long time and a lot of work, but I did it and it was good.

But when it came to getting married or having kids at that time, it wasn't working for some reason. Maybe it was self-fulfilling, but since I didn't feel worthy of a real relationship or because I was afraid one would actually work, I somehow lost, sabotaged or just blatantly broke relationships up. I was sinking... flailing around in the sea... lost.

I kept my head down, and moved on... kept working, kept going to school. Eventually, I got a house and felt secure in my career. Even still, I didn't feel like I would ever get married. But I wanted a child or children. I wasn't sinking or flailing anymore... instead, I was treading water. I could even hold my head up above the water now.

Then I decided to adopt.

I truly believe that I was lead to adopt. Why? I don't know, really. Part of me really accepts now that it was because of my past and how guilty I felt for all the awful stuff I did. The person I was. That sort of sounds ridiculous. Penance in adoption? It wasn't overtly conscious, but I do believe that I needed to try to start to "make right" (if only in MY OWN HEART) the wrongs I had done to so many people... including myself... way back when. To give to someone else blindly, faithfully.

Why is this important now? Well, I've been considering number 2, and wondering how I might make that happen. Adoption through a different country again? Adoption and/or Foster care here? Have a baby by birth? I decided I want to adopt again. It's what I feel lead to do, for now. So, I took a step and started going through an adoption agency to get certified. And through this process it has brought up some of the same emotions I've had all along, possibly with added ones because of the "little family" I already have.

I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not afraid. I am. Lil M and I have a wonderful relationship and I do not want to do anything to jeopardize that. She is more amazing than I could have ever imagined. How could I ever get lucky enough to have a second amazing child? I think that's a question a lot of parents ask themselves, right?

Another big question for me that keeps coming up for me right now is, "is it fair for me to adopt"? For those of you who know me, I read all kinds of adoption stories. They can be sad and scary sometimes. And there are adult adoptees who honestly believe adoption is negative and that they were abusted/stole/abducted from their birth families or countries and LOST their life. And that the new life they were given wasn't good enough or would ever be good enough to replace the first part of their life. That saddens me so much. To think that Lil M might hate adoption when she grows up is just hard for me to think about. People say it won't happen, but I try to be realistic. It could.

And then... I remember God. I believe that I'm in a place right now where God wants me to forgive myself for my mistakes. I've told myself for years that I'm forgiven and free. God loves me. And that is true. But, I think that personal forgiveness is the absolute hardest thing for me. Giving myself permission to be real, human and make mistakes. I'm not perfect. No one is perfect.

And with that, I remember that God wanted me to adopt. Whatever the reason why... it is what I absolutely, completely believed was my purpose. And I still do. I can be afraid, or I can accept it and keep moving forward. I don't have all the answers. Shoot, I don't have all the questions!! (although, I can come up with a lot!)

So, what does this all mean? Well, we live in a fallen world. We do. It is reality. In (what people tell me would be) a perfect world, there would be no need for adoption. Ever. Right? And, if that world was perfect, if adoption was necessary, then it would be done perfectly and ethically in each and every single situation. That everyone would feel validated, free and forgived. There would be no hurt. Children would be with their "biological" families. They would live near the place of their birth, if they chose to. But this is not always possible, is it? And even when it is, life is not perfect. It is what you make it to be. Wallow, flail, sink... or swim, walk, dance, Love!

My purpose is to follow God. To follow God's desires for my life. To teach me how to be a better woman, a better person. And one of those ways, I believe is to take care of the people I'm supposed to take care of. For me, adoption is real. It is a real, viable, amazing, awesome, loving way to create a family. And, if that is what God wants me to continue, then so be it. I will follow. I will be a light to my family and my community, and I will be an advocate for our children.

People can tell you adoption sucks. Adoption is bad. It destroys families. It ruins lives. Adoption doesn't ruin life. Don't kill the messenger. PEOPLE ruin life. Cheating, lying, stealing, divorce, adultery... the list goes on and on. Can the process suck? Can it do more harm than good in some cases? Is there loss? Yes and yes and yes.

What I've come to believe is that it is a choice. Is the glass half empty or half full? I'm a half full kind of gal. I choose life. I can't change the bad stuff. I can only try to be part of the solution, not the problem.

So, in my opinion, all that other stuff is secondary to the main point of life - LOVE. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind... and your neighbor as yourself.

I have a purpose.


Monday, May 18, 2009

Monday, Monday

Yes, it's another Monday. The weekend was sort of non-eventful... the one thing that Lil M has done recently while sitting on the couch together is to look at me and say "I ready nigh, nigh, Mommy" and then get in my lap and try to fall asleep.

Now, it isn't new that she has fallen asleep on me. For the first 1.5 years together I held her almost every single evening for at least 10-15 minutes before bed. Sometimes she would fall asleep, other times she wouldn't. She would just lay there. Mama Mia time for sure. :)

What's new about this is that she has taken it upon herself to let me know she's ready to go to bed and then comes over and lets me hold her. :) Some days she lets me know she's ready to go to sleep, but doesn't want me to hold her. So, this is kind of cool. I must admit, that I like the Mama Mia time.

Let's see, what all can Lil M do now? She can speak in full sentences... for example, when we went to the store last weekend to get flowers, she pointed her little finger at me and said "You stay right there, Mommy. I be right back!" hahahaha This was after I had just asked her to stand with our flowers for about 2 seconds so I could get some rose bushes off an end-cap next to the checkout line! hahaha.

She's probably 90% potty trained. She still has some accidents, but they are getting fewer and farther between. Nighttime wet is still there.

She can sing the ABC's, count to 10 and I even heard her sing Ba Ba Black Sheep the other day... (not sure if she got all the words, but it sounded pretty close - I was in the other room). She likes to color and knows several colors... black, blue, red, green, orange, yellow, purple. She often tells me what I'm wearing... what color it is and if it has a pattern (ie., stripes), pockets... etc. And then compares it to what she is wearing. "I no have stripes, Mommy", "I have pockets, Mommy has pockets, too!!" I need to get some of this on video, 'cause it is pretty cute.

So, since it is a Monday, I need to find some motivation for this week. What is nice is that we're going out of town this weekend to meet S' family in Atlanta!! I think that's going to be fun. We're also having dinner with friends Thursday for Sis' and my birthday... and meeting Dad on Sunday for his birthday and ours... Sheesh, that's a lot!! :) Motivated or not, the week is here! I hope it is a pretty one.


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Not much going on

A few pics of the front flower garden. ROSES!! :)

Tonight, I "graduate" from the SAFY program, but there's still lots to do. Definitely praying.


Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

I had a wonderful Mother's Day! I AM BLESSED. I decided about noon that I wanted to get some more flowers for the front garden. I've been on a kick to get this yard in some decent condition again!! So, that's what we did.

I bought Lil M some daisies. I got 4 rose bushes, buy one get one free!! I've never grown roses, so let's see how this goes. :) I also got a Fennel plant and some Dianthus (which I thought was perennial, but itsn't). Then I convinced Scott to go get me some mulch! hehehe. He got me mulch, and after we got all that laid, we went to lunch at O'Charleys. Yum. Then we got more mulch, some boxwood bushes and some other bushes...can't remember the name. He got the 3 old big (dare i say, ugly at this point) bushes out...and we got everything planted!! WOOHOO!

I don't think this is what you're supposed to do on Mother's Day, but it was amazing. :) I loved all of it... even though it was a huge amount of work. It looks great now!!!

I hope every single Mom out there had a most fantastic, blessed day.


Saturday, May 9, 2009

Mother's Day Flowers!

Scott sent me some beautiful flowers (and chocolates) for Mother's Day!! He sent them to me from himself and Lil M. :) How sweet was that!

Friday, May 8, 2009


Ok, so I vented. And, now I'm back. I wanted to write a couple of more thoughts. First, I wanted to include my prayers this weekend for those women who want to become Moms, are in the process of becoming a Mom and those who are fostering children. There are so many ways we can become Moms these days, and that is actually a GOOD thing, in my opinion. Does it bring challenges, yes. But I wouldn't trade that.

In all actuality, I'm very blessed. I have a great life. I have a fantastic daughter. I'm not sure why I was struggling so much last night and this morning, but, thankfully, I'm already feeling better. :)

And, frankly, "normal" isn't always what it's cracked up to be! So there. :) I'm very thankful for my life, and the fact that I am a Mom. I hope you are happy, too, and if you are a Mom or one in waiting... God Bless You.


Normal... well, or not

I'm crabby today. I have been since last night. Actually, I just want to know why I can't be "normal" like everyone else. I mean, why on earth did I have to have this desire to adopt. Or do I still? 'Cause I do. I love my family. I love Lil M.

I just want to know why is it that for things like Mother's Day, us adoptive families have to get no recognition as being "Moms" and real families? There's a Huggies commercial out right now that pisses me off. They say that you can get diapers for a year (if you win the prize) if you... get pregnant, let people touch your stomach while pregnant, and pop out a baby... THAT is what makes you a MOM. Um. No, it doesn't.

Don't get me wrong, procreating is necessary and I'm glad that my daughter's first Mom did have her. I am so thankful for that. But did these idiots think that there might be MOMs out there that didn't pop out the baby????? O M G.

We get a bum rap, us adoptive moms. We are made to feel less like parents by MOST OF SOCIETY... including, some of the adoptive children even. I am very thankful, again, that my daughter's first family took the risk they did. Please do not think I'm trying to minimize birth mother's feelings, or traditional two-parent pregnant families... or even single moms who have a baby physically instead of adopting...

My friends and family are amazing and they do try to remind me that I am, in fact, normal... and that Lil M and I are great... 'cause we really are. But some people are insensitive...and have no idea why on earth I'd be upset over a commercial like the one i mentioned here.

Maybe it is because I have always felt somehow inferior. I don't know why. I do know it's what society bombards me with. I'm second best. Why couldn't I just be "normal" and get pregnant... get married... have a baby of my own.

I hate, hate, hate that question. Are you going to have a baby of your own now? WHAT?????????????? Mia IS A BABY OF MY OWN. I didn't feel like I had to have a baby in my womb to be her Mom. I don't know why I didn't and still don't feel that way!!!!!!!! WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL?

Well, once I calm down after my rant... I do know that this is, indeed, VERY NORMAL for me. I don't know why. All I can think is that God has a different plan for my life for some reason. And I must follow that and that alone.

If you wouldn't mind lifting up a prayer for me this weekend, and for all the other *non-traditional* Mom's out there... I'd really be grateful. We love our children just as much as anyone else, and I guess I just needed to say that.

I'm lifting up prayers for ALL moms this weekend, birth moms, bio moms, adoptive moms, moms who've lost children for whatever reason... ALL MOMS. God bless you all.


Wednesday, May 6, 2009


I've decided to get back on the marathon horse... I am now committed to doing the USAF Marathon in September and the Marine Corps marathon with my brother in October.

Yes, that's 26.2 miles. I have the sticker on my car, and it's about time I live up to that again!! :) My goal is always just to finish, but this year it is to get my 10th state!!

Have a great day.


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Drying racks

I am sure most people aren't like me... in many respects... but one thing that comes to mind today is that I have two indoor clothes drying stands that I use on a fairly regular basis. I'm going to look for a 3rd one this year. :) I don't use them for everything, but I do use them for light-weight stuff that seems to dry quickly. There are just days when I don't want to use my dryer, 'cause it makes the house warmer, and this time of year I try to keep the A/C off. My dad laughed at me when I moved into my house, because I told him I was happy there is an outdoor clothes line. He said I'd never use it! And while I definitely don't use it in the winter, I do use it fairly often in the summer. :)

My whole house fan (that I LOVE) isn't working right now, and I can't wait to have that fixed. I'm also going to need to get some mulch SOON. Like, this week. The plants and tree I planted aren't going to like it too much longer if I don't. That's fairly spendy...ugh. But it'll be worth it when it's done!!

Let's see... this week's to-do-list includes planting some bulbs that I haven't gotten plannted yet, getting my step-mom a plant for Mother's day this weekend, and going to another SAFY meeting. I got on the Pilates machine twice this past weekend, so my goal is to continue that this week, too!

Happy Tuesday...


Monday, May 4, 2009

Other randonmness

**for some reason this post is acting funny... can't get it to post properly... still trying.

Few more things of note...

That CashBaq link I have on the right side, actually works! I signed up and used it to buy a couple of things from stores I already use - HSN, QVC and just go to those sites after clicking the link on the CashBaq list. It does give you rebates and discounts. :) I have no affiliation whatsoever, but thought I'd let you all know it actually does work!

In the message from the other day I mentioned "sin". I haven't had anyone call me on this one yet, but please know that I'm a full believer in Jesus Christ and that I do believe that anything that keeps us from God in any way is a sin. That doesn't mean it makes me a bad person or whatever society thinks. And, we all sin. I just took the time to define/share one of mine.

I need a new DVD player. When I unplugged mine the other day, it wouldn't come back on correctly. :( Thankfully, they aren't too expensive these days, but it is an inconvenience!!

Have a great day!!


Digital phone

I started a post last Thursday and didn't complete it until this morning. Sorry for the lapse.

I did some essential cleaning this weekend. The stuff I hardly ever do... cleaned under the sinks (in the cabinets), and in the pantry. Oh boy. But it's done now. :) I need to get the office cleaned more, soon, too. But that'll wait for another day.

I ordered digital phone service probably 2 weeks ago, and just installed it today. It seems to be OK. But it only plugs into up to two I need to get one of those 3-phone phones where you have 3 receivers but only one plugs into the main line. Otherwise, I guess I'll need a really long cord to get one plugged into the other room. Oh well. Other than that, so far so good. (for my friends, I do still have the same phone number.)