Friday, February 29, 2008


....So far, I'm feeling better today than I did yesterday. Maybe it is because I got to have a nice chat with my friend Ellen. Maybe it is because I am feeling better about getting some bills paid... maybe it is because it is FRIDAY!! lol. Whatever the reason, I'll take it!!

Lil M and I are going to go pick up her pics tonight - this weekend! I can't wait! I'll definitely post some as soon as I can! TOO CUTE.

added: I had written this post earlier today... and I have one addition. Lil M has had a fever since morning. This afternoon it got to 103. :( That completely changed my/our plans for tonight. And, likely, for the rest of the weekend. Not sure why she's not feeling well. I postponed getting her pics until tomorrow, at least. UGH. I was really hoping we'd be over these winter illnesses...


Thursday, February 28, 2008

18 months and 10 months

So, Lil M turned 18 months old yesterday!!!!!! WOOOOHOOOO!! She is just so wonderful. I don't deserve her.

Today, is our 10 month anniversary of being Home! 10 month family day was the 19th. :D So, we've been together for 10.5 months now and it is great. One month longer than she had to stay in that orphanage.

I am very happy about all that!!

Then there is real life stuff, for which I'm not quite so happy. I mean, overall, things are good. They are. Sis got a job. I like my new job, so far, too. But changing jobs is hard. Stressful. I got a speeding ticket this morning! UGH. And then there's old job "stuff" that is stressing me out. But it will pass... I hope.

Right now, I'm praying for a couple of things (ok, more than a couple)... 1) Mindy gets Chase more and gets what is rightfully hers through this stupid, awful divorce, 2) that I will get closure with this old job stuff and 3) that Scott's dad gets well. Apparently, his father is in the ICU after falling and breaking his other hip and isn't doing well. So, please pray for them. It isn't looking good.

Love and peace to all.

PS. Mia's pics come back tomorrow (18 month pics) and early next week (daycare pics)!!
I can't wait!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

New for me

I'm enjoying my new job, so far. I'm trying to get used to the drive, but other than that... it's night and day from where I've been recently. It's neat to be on a Governance team that determines what other groups will use as their tools and such. I also get to implement a couple of applications. That is going to be cool.

I'm also very thankful and grateful that Mindy was able to find a job, too!! She's been very worried for awhile now, and it was great that she started her new job the day after I started mine! Her "Big-D" didn't quite go through yesterday, which was unfortunate, but we know why (her soon-to-be-ex is very difficult). This will help her in some ways, but it hurts in others... she can't wait to have more time with Chase, which is what she deserves and should have.

Lil M fell down the stairs last night. OMG. It totally freaked me out. She just rolled down them, mostly, but I'm keeping an eye on her to make sure she's still ok. She was shocked/scared more than anything, from what I could tell. Thankfully, I have split stairs, so it wasn't that far (maybe 6 stairs)... she totally just lost her balance. She's been doing really great crawling up the stairs. I don't let her go down them by herself... when she goes up them, she doesn't stand, so being off balance isn't usually an issue. I always keep a very close eye on her near the stairs... now I will even more so!! Crazy stuff. She really seems to be OK...


Saturday, February 23, 2008


For the past few days (and on and off for what seems like forever), I've been thinking about this thing they call attachment again. I am not sure where to begin, but I do know that people will tell me not to worry and that everything is OK.

Lil M and I are doing fine. She's a joy and I am so privileged to be her Mommy. Some days I wonder if we've got enough time together. I mean, we only get a few hours together each day, except on the weekends. I realize this is what pretty much all working parents get with their kids, regardless of how they came to be a family. I do wonder sometimes, though, if it's enough time for us to have proper attachment... I know she knows that I'm the one who gets her up each day and puts her to bed each night. That I'm the one who comes to get her from daycare... and I try to do those attachment types of things they suggest doing... but some days when she looks at me it seems distant... or something. I can't explain it. Maybe it is just me. Maybe it is just my fears or worries. I still worry that she won't eventually accept me as her Mommy. I think that sometimes I keep my distance in response to those (unfounded) fears. And I hate that about myself. I don't want to do that or feel that way.

It's not that I don't love her. I love her very, very much. I know she's mine. I know she's my daughter. But why do I sometimes feel like it's a dream? Or that it will all go away? I hate that feeling. Today, for some reason, I feel like I need to acknowledge it, though. I think I'm going to do some more reading about attachment and how others feel through this process.

I think part of it is the crummy stuff I've had to go through in the past few months, that have nothing to do with her at all. And those things have colored my feelings about everything. Makes me sad and angry. I'm trying to let go of that situation... and move on. And I'm feeling a bit better every day, which is good. But, I still worry about mine and Lil M's relationship. Just because someone knows one the outside that they are loved doesn't mean they know it in their heart. And I wonder... does she know?

I realize when she is growing up she'll deny me at times. Say I'm not her mommy and all. I hear that is normal. But it is going to BREAK MY HEART. I'm already fretting. What the heck...???

Yes, it will be OK. Yes, I am her Mommy. Yes, she is my daughter. Yes, we love each other. Yes... this too shall pass.


Friday, February 22, 2008


The weather turned crappy yesterday. It took me THREE (3) hours to get home from work!!! yikes. Lil M had to stay at daycare way too late... I'm just lucky they didn't charge me for it! My new boss called this morning and told me to work from home today! Woot. I'm so glad, 'cause I did not want to drive in it a second day.

Lil M and I are having a decent day here at home. :)


Sunday, February 17, 2008

Relaxing weekend

So, we're hanging out at home, so far, this weekend. We did go to get Lil M's 18 month pics done. She's just over 17.5 months. They turned out GREAT. I get them back on the 29th, and I will surely post a few. :) I can't wait.

Lil M is doing so well. She colored with crayons again today, a little better than she has been. She is also trying to eat with utensils... She's at this stage of leaving food in her mouth for what seems forever... at dinnertime... but she's learning. She's also started pointing at things she wants and grunting for me to hand them to her. haha. Let's see, what else... she loves to pet the dogs and still calls Manna (the cat!) the dog-dog too. She really seems to understand so much! It is incredible. If I say that I'm going to do something, you can see that she understands me. Not that she didn't before, but now she shows it in her face and eyes more.

She was just so adorably cute today. I can't wait to show everyone the pics. Auntie Ellen will be so proud... she's even wearing her red toggle button sweater in a couple!!! (yes, we love you, even if we don't get to see you as often as we'd like!!)

Aiyee Mimi is going to go nuts when she sees the pics. Good thing I go the CD so we can make copies of everything!!! 18 months, here we come!!

Oh, I start my new job on Wednesday. Lord... I hope it goes well.


Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

This is the first time I've gotten flowers in years. Pretty, huh?

Happy Valentines Day to all. I got my little Valentine (Lil M) her first purse with a puppy dog in it (stuffed toy, of course!)


Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Words, Fish and Crabs

Lil M's current list of words is:

Hi (newest word)
Mama (second word)
Mimi (for Aiyee Mimi)
Dada (first word)
No (new as of last week)
Uh Oh!!

We went and got Chase 3 beta fish this weekend, a new crabitat and 2 new hermit crabs! It was so fun putting the stuff together!! (I think the hermies are hiding under the crab shack in the pic below!) The blue aquarium was from Gramsy and Grandad to Chase for Christmas. I got him the other one for his crabs. :)


Friday, February 8, 2008

Another Funeral

We went to my Uncle's funeral today. God Bless you Uncle Lynnie.

Lil M is doing ok. I guess it is time for me to take some updated pics and post them! She's walking pretty well, and can walk out to the car in the morning carrying her own little bag with her one bottle in it!! Such the big girl!! :)

I start my new job on Feb 20. Sis is still interviewing to find something, so please keep her in your prayers.


Wednesday, February 6, 2008

We are ok

Thank you, Tom for asking about us! We did get some terrible storms last night, but we are ok. No tornadoes here, Thank God.

I found out tonight that my Uncle Lynnie passed away yesterday. :( Looks like a funeral is in my not-so-very-distant future. Bah. He had cancer, and I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but, man, I was hoping for later.


Monday, February 4, 2008


Now, some of you may or may not know this... but I am a *believer*. I believe in Christ Jesus and am a Christian. I don't particularly flaunt it, but I am. I haven't been to church in awhile, but that's not because of God, that's just me trying to get into a groove in my life. No offense to God, at all, because I know He is always with me.

Anyhow... tonight, again, I can't sleep. Tomorrow morning is going to be crappy (read: mtg with boss) and I'm not looking forward to it.

So, I decided to come downstairs and read my favorite Psalm. Psalm 27. Oh how I love that Psalm.

Then, I thought, why not try to read every Psalm this month... so, I read 1-4 tonight. Psalms 3 and 4, in particular, are just wonderful. So, I thought I would share.

NIV Translation:

Psalm 3 (coloring is mine)

O Lord, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!

Many are saying of me
"God will not deliver him" Selah

But you are a shield around me, O Lord;
you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

To the Lord I cry aloud
and he answers from his holy hill.

I lie down and sleep;
I wake again because the Lord sustains me.

I will not fear the tens of thousands
drawn up against me on every side

Arise, O Lord!
Deliver me, O my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.

From the Lord comes deliverance.
May your blessing be on your people. Selah

Psalm 4 is just as wonderful. One line in particular:

In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent. Selah

and again...(mine)
Search your heart and be silent.

Peace. May the Lord be with you.


So. I've been sick... on and off since Christmas. I've gone through 2 rounds of antibiotics, and have finally gotten through the low-grade fever and the sinus/strep symptoms for the most part. But here's the kicker. I go into work... and people who *know* me, act normal and like they understand... it happens. Nothing going on.

Then there's my own team. They won't even hardly look at me. I think they think I'm lying. OMG. OH MY GOD. Really. Don't get me wrong... there is a part of me that would like nothing less than to do whatever they are suggesting, but I am not like that.

I've had several references written for me lately and some (Ok, a few, 3 out of 14) of them make mention of my "Integrity", which means the following:

Integrity: noun 1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

Seriously people, I don't make up crap to get out of work. The fun times we've had since Christmas:
1. I got a cold then sinus infection.
2. Lil M got a cold, then strep AND a sinus infection (was going around her daycare).
3. I got Lil M's cold and sinus infection AND strep. UGH

Being treated like a liar is just the PITS. I mean, that's a slam on my person. And totally unacceptable.

I do, however, thank God for taking care of me and my daughter. This will pass (sooner rather than later).