Friday, August 31, 2007
Little M was off schedule all week. She didn't get her naps in again, at daycare. Well, except about an hour (50 min), or so. She seemed a bit distant this week (not as much eye contact and definitely more cranky...which she is usually never). I imagine it is mostly due to the being off schedule. I'm really hoping this weekend gets us back on track.
So, back to her birthday. People showed up about 2pm. Before that, I tried to get the house ready (for several days, actually). I ended up laying down for about an hour before Ellen came over because I had *yet another* raging headache. I took some migraine meds and thankfully it went away.
Sis was a bit late, but it was 'cause she went to get our grandmother! That was very cool. My brother also came. It was the first time he'd ever been to my house. So, that was pretty great, too. We just hung out and had snacks until about 4pm and then I opened Little M's presents. People wrote some fantastic tips and ideas for 'mommyhood'. Ellen had them put their ideas on a piece of paper and share them with me. So, I read them out loud. It was great.
Then came the cake!! Well, I imagine you saw the pics. :) That was just Awesome! And I'm so glad my brother took the pics. I can't wait to print them off and keep them for her! It was a really good thing to get her her own cake. That way she could just go at it and everyone else could have some of the big cake. Overall, it was a fantastic day! I couldn't have asked for better. And I know Little M had a great time!
So, let's hope this weekend gets us back on track.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
So, Mia's actual birthday was kind of a non-event... we were both exhausted. But Sunday more than made up for it!! She got the most wonderful stuff ever. My friends and family rock! I counted last night (while trying to go to sleep) how many people were here... and with Little M and I, it was 35! 33 people came. My guess was 20-25, or even less. We had such a great time.
I'll try to write about it more tomorrow.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
I wish you both could be here to celebrate Sugar Plum's 1st birthday with me!! (if the bracelet is for her, she's gonna have to wait to wear it... 'cause it fits Mama!!! hehehe) I might even have it engraved with both our names, 'cause that was just very cool. (it is on my arm, as i write!)
I sort of had my own therapy shopping thing today... got Buttercup a couple of things for her birthday, including a couple new dresses and outfit. :) I Promise to post pics as soon as I can!!!
Thank you all for being so encouraging today, too. I'm still quite bummed, in general, but I'm trying to get out of it.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Anyhow, I am so very cranky today. I've been thinking of writing for hours now, but if I would have written earlier it would have begun with a lot of 'f' words.
First, I couldn't sleep last night. Ok, what is new? (same goes for my being cranky, I realize.) I wish I could say that was all it was. Nope. Work really sucked today. There's so much I want to say, but I'm not going to.
I will say that I am very disappointed in people and I just feel like there are so many liars out there. People who really don't give a shit. People you think do, don't. I feel very alone. I believe God gave me Mia to not be alone. But one day... she'll leave me too. (yes, poor pity me) What was I thinking. (ok, besides the happy stuff that she's amazing...)
I'm pretty upset with my family right now. No, not Sis or Dad... some of the others. None are coming to Little M's party (for sure)...and that really makes me sad. Oh well. Par for the course. I guess it is too damn far to drive an hour to see her (us), as usual. You ask my sister how frustrated this makes me sometimes with our own relationship (when I do all the driving)... but she's been wonderful this year and she really loves Little M. I miss Sis and can't wait to see her this weekend. I almost called her today to beg her to come down NOW, but she's got stuff going on.
Do not worry. Do not be afraid. Easier said than done some days.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
So, we went to church. Not quite the kind that we normally go to, this one is a bit quieter and conservative. But nice. I happen to know a couple of people there, and for down here, it is a pretty good option for us. It's pretty much on the opposite Christian spectrum as my home church - I'm "United Church of Christ" you see (quite liberal) and this is "Church of Christ" (quite not liberal!!) haha. But the folks there are very nice. So, until they ruffle my feathers too much, I guess we'll make do. I'll miss the music, though (ok, the instruments).
We got home past SP's bed time. That was a first, on a weeknight, anyhow. It was so good to see a couple of the folks tonight. I used to go to a Bible study they had (but not to their Church, yes, weird), and I really enjoyed them. One couple is even adopting from China and is logged in April 2006. They still have quite awhile to wait, yet!! But the wife (Beverly) was SO excited to meet Little M!
I remember the day I met her hubby (Barry), 'cause it was the first Bible study and he told us how he and his wife were adopting! I hadn't told many people, and I was still waiting for quite awhile yet at that time. I CRIED I was so amazed how this LITTLE group of people (5 couples maybe and Me) could have two families adopting from China. It was wonderful. And I really did cry. So, it was good to see her today.
If you're still reading by now, God love ya. I know I ramble and most of you could care less what I do in my daily life!! ::big grin::
Oh, Little M is doing much better this week. She definitely wanted Mama tonight when we were around others, but was just a happy as she usually is! I just love her!
Monday, August 20, 2007
Little M did take a nap... and now I hear her... gotta run.
No rest for the weary (or is that wicked?!)
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Portrait of an ESFJ - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging
(Extraverted Feeling with Introverted Sensing)
As an ESFJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.
ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves.
The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them.
ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.
With Extraverted Feeling dominating their personality, ESFJs are focused on reading other people. They have a strong need to be liked, and to be in control. They are extremely good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they're with at the moment.
The ESFJ's value system is defined externally. They usually have very well-formed ideas about the way things should be, and are not shy about expressing these opinions. However, they weigh their values and morals against the world around them, rather than against an internal value system. They may have a strong moral code, but it is defined by the community that they live in, rather than by any strongly felt internal values.
ESFJs who have had the benefit of being raised and surrounded by a strong value system that is ethical and centered around genuine goodness will most likely be the kindest, most generous souls who will gladly give you the shirt off of their back without a second thought. For these individuals, the selfless quality of their personality type is genuine and pure.
All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function demands structure and organization, and seeks closure. ESFJs are most comfortable with structured environments. They're not likely to enjoy having to do things which involve abstract, theoretical concepts, or impersonal analysis. They do enjoy creating order and structure, and are very good at tasks which require these kinds of skills. ESFJs should be careful about controling people in their lives who do not wish to be controlled.
ESFJs respect and believe in the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do so as well. They're traditional, and prefer to do things in the established way, rather than venturing into unchartered territory. Their need for security drives their ready acceptance and adherence to the policies of the established system. This tendency may cause them to sometimes blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them.
ESFJs incorporate many of the traits that are associated with women in our society. However, male ESFJs will usually not appear feminine at all. On the contrary, ESFJs are typically quite conscious about gender roles and will be most comfortable playing a role that suits their gender in our society. Male ESFJs will be quite masculine (albeit sensitive when you get to know them), and female ESFJs will be very feminine.
ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
There isn't anything on TV. I should be cleaning... oh, or working, but I just told them I didn't have a sitter and could someone else please cover. Let's see how much trouble I'm in on Monday. ha. But I just felt like Sugar Plum needed some extra Mama time. So, here we are. And, I should be cleaning ('cause I digressed there a bit!). I've got people coming over next Sunday. (although, so far, only Sis and Dad/Step-Mom from the fam are coming. I'm a bit disappointed by that... that none of my other relatives have even responded to the invite, except one...and that was to say she wouldn't be here unless she had a ride. boo)
So, I'm just sitting here, thinking I should take my weekly set of pics when SP gets up (of her, of course). Did I mention she's clapping on her own now, and can do even more funny noises? She likes playing pattacake. I've been reading that book, what to expect the first year, and she seems to be mostly on target or ahead in a couple of things... completely arbitrary in my mind, though. One of the items for a 12 month old is playing pattacake and pulling up and maybe even standing on her own for a second or two. She can do all that, except the standing on her own. But she is dang close. She's been doing those for a couple of weeks now, though, so I guess that's a little brag. Ok, it is more like me just thanking God that developmentally she is getting back on target from where she was when we met (although, I didn't think she was too far behind to begin with, just a little).
Thursday, August 16, 2007
So, today was a bit better. I didn't work as long. But I had a terrible headache all day (probably from worrying). I know I can't change or fix everything. I just can't. Some things can't be fixed. But I can do my best to be here for her and let her know I'm not going anywhere. She's stuck with me!
When I went to pick her up, she was sleeping. It was a little harder to wake her up, 'cause she's still so tired. She slept pretty well (from what I can tell) last night, but she's not getting the naps she needs. While we were still there Little M had another bit of a meltdown again today. The daycare workers were shocked. They hadn't seen her cry. I sat there with her and rocked her for a few minutes before trying to leave, because I wanted her to know regardless of where we are, she can count on me. (Who knows if she can comprehend that yet, but I figure if I keep trying she will .) We did have a better evening. She still didn't eat as much, but she had part of a bottle. We played. We laughed. She seemed like she was still over-stimulated tonight, but fell asleep with me holding her eventually.
We played pattacake and she 'walked' on me (we play the up/down game a lot, and she took a couple of steps on my stomach today, which was fun). I feel like maybe she is trusting me a little more because she is allowing herself to cry with me, as opposed to being happy all the time. Don't get me wrong. I love it that she's happy. But today, it occurred to me that might be her way of protecting herself just like others do in other ways.
I guess that's enough rambling.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I have to work, but holy moly. I felt so guilty for being gone so long. I am really not wanting to go to work tomorrow, but I have to. I've got to figure out if I can get out of working this weekend.
Anyway, we got through it, but it was harder than I thought.
Good heaven's I'm tired!!
Little M took a nap in her carrier yesterday. That was cool. She hasn't done that in awhile. I would have napped while wearing her, but I was afraid I'd have an ever harder time sleeping last night. We're both trying to get adjusted to this schedule and it is tough. But she is doing pretty darn good with it, I'd say.
Monday, August 13, 2007
I think I mentioned it, but we really had a nice day yesterday. I hope we can continue that vibe, as opposed to how I felt last week. Even with the new schedule.
Oh, God, please help me get through this schedule and finance issues (somehow I got some letter from KY stating I owe them money... I'm NOT sure how that is even possible. ugh. So, I've got to figure out what to do). And my step-nephew also needs healing presence and peace.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
The other one is a bit more simple so far, but has a few more pics.
Off to *try* to sleep. 7am work-start is going to come way too early.
This weekend has been nice. Although, I've got a headache and have to work at 7am tomorrow. I'm pretty bummed about that, but Little M and I have had a mostly relaxing weekend, and I've enjoyed that.
Maggi is doing well, too. She's getting better with the baby, a little more each week.
Please pray for my step-nephew (who was diagnosed with lymphoma) and for Little M and me these next couple of weeks (my awful schedule).
The house is a wreck, so, I'm off to take more headache meds and clean.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
You know... I was crabby for a few days. Tonight, as I sit here watching Little M play in her activity seat, and dance along to Alison Krauss (who I LOVE)....I'm starting to feel a little better. I think the combination of work, the heat, my allergies, girl week, etc, really got me down.
I took a nap today for the first time in probably 2 weeks. I feel like I need more, even.
I was reassured by many that Little M and I are making progress and that it is a process. Watching her dance and when she was having dinner she kept shaking her head back and forth (insistently, but not over anything, she just figured out she could do it!!) and smiling at me... makes me feel a lot better!!
Oh, we had pics taken this morning. Well, pics of her, anyway. I get them in 2 weeks. :)
Friday, August 10, 2007
In other news... the crabbiness hasn't gone away. dangit. hence, the 'venting' blog!!!! lol.
Mia is great. Having a little tough time with eye-contact. It is bothering me. I've read so much on attachment... ugh. See, here I go!! ;-)
Y'all have a great night. I'll try to post some pics this weekend.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Good heavens. I've got to get over this worry, worry, worry!!!!
Little M is teething and she's just been a bit crabby this week, too. She hasn't given me as much eye contact and she's been crying more (which for her, is a big deal). I try to keep the eye contact going, because if she doesn't give me that it can be a sign she's disassociating. Ok, now... I know she's doing pretty darn well overall. Those articles I read about attachment throughout the 18 month wait still linger. (as they should)
This only having about 2-3 hours a day (in the evening) is tough. I hope it gets easier. I wish work would be a little more understanding and let me work a few hours a week from home, but I don't see that happening right now. It's tough.
Ok, the good news... Little M 'cruised' tonight... she moved from one piece of furniture to another standing up... almost, dare I say, walking. Just almost. I let her crawl all over tonight. She is a mover alright!
I need Peace tonight.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
(above - Aiyee Mimi and Mia playing).
I've been crabby on and off since Friday. I want to be un-crabby.
The bright spot in my day is, of course, Sugar Plum. Our getting on schedule is going alright, but, well, a bit tough. I just don't feel like I am in a groove or can relax. I hope that happens sometime soon.
Dad hasn't responded about Aug 26, so I guess I'm making an arbitrary decision. If no one shows (on Aug 26, of course), it'll serve me right.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Case in point, today we (a small group of my teammates and I) were discussing who is going to be the "Chair" person of tomorrow's full group meeting. I was nominated (weeks ago, apparently). Another was nominated to document minutes... we had friendly banter about who should be chairing the meeting, and trying to get myself out of the role tomorrow (in jest). Our boss went over to ask one of the people in the discussion what the 'issue' was. Basically... why were we all talking?! Oh my. I get us in trouble all the time, and really, it was no big deal.
After these discussions, with said boss, I tend to be 'quiet' and then everyone wants to know what's wrong?!!! Ok, people. Pick. One or the other... I don't seem to know how to be 'in the middle' here.
If I bring pics in, I get the lecture. If I don't bring pics in, I get questioned. Same with inviting people over or going to lunch... you get the idea.
It didn't used to be this way. I guess I just need to keep more to myself. Perhaps, I've gotten too comfortable with my teammates and I should maintain a bigger distance. It's just that when you spend, oh 8-10 or more hours a day with the same folks day in and out you tend to start to care.
Ok, I'll leave it at that. I'm in a thoughtful mood. Pensive.
Little M is listening to her classical music and rocking away, saying MAMAMAMA. :)
My whole family is invited (of course)!! So is pretty much everyone else I know! haha. So, if you know me personally and have any question... well, you're invited.
It is a "Welcome Home Baby M" / "Baby Shower" party and will be from 2-? My Sis and Ellen are going to figure out the rest. Really. They are!! :)
(side note: we are currently registered at Baby's R Us and will try to get registered at Target)
Seriously... you know who you are. Please save the date. Kids (obviously) are welcome! Just come as you are and let's have a fun afternoon kind of day. More to come (likely in a real invitation and/or email invite).
PS. August 27 is the big birthday day. That's going to be a bit more low-key, but two days of fun for little Miss M.
PPS. Joe (my 'little' brother), I hope you are having a safe trip to China and I really hope you can come to her party!!
PPPS. Hannah and Molly, please make sure you all tell Emmy, Aunt Gay Gay, Aunt Bonnie, and all, to come!!
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Oh, Auntie Nore came to help finish putting the swing together. Dad started, but gave up. HAHA. Lenore and I went to Baby's R Us and we got a cool ball that Little M seemed to like and this great outfit!!! So, we had to take even more pics! I'm even thinking of going to have her pic done in this cut little outfit. "I love my Mommy" :)
She got to see Grandma/Grandpa today. She also saw Aiyee Mimi and Chase this weekend. Lots of happenings!!! :) Oh, and I found a 'new to me' high chair yesterday!! WOOHOO. I hope she likes it. She hasn't officially tried it with Mama yet.
Off to rest. Work is gonna come too soon tomorrow.
PS. Auntie Nore fixed Little M's car seat!!!!! She had a heart attack when she saw that I had her double buckled in and not using the tether belt correctly (for the record, they were hidden under the seat, and I didn't even know they were there...and definitely had an AHA moment when shown!!). So, Little M should be ALL set now!!! Whew. That makes me very happy, too.
PPS. Tom - Little M had to retire the bouncy seat tonight. Apparently, it is NOT ok for you to pull yourself up on them.... so, if you're able to do that, I guess you should retire yours, too!!! haha. If not, rock on! :) She'll kick your butt in the swinging contest now, though!!!
Saturday, August 4, 2007
M is in her bouncy chair right now. I *opened* the new swing last night... but, alas, didn't have the guts to try to put it together! It will get done soon, though. :)
There isn't too much to report or write about I guess. I'll take some more pics soon, I'm sure. Little M is doing great and I think we're both glad to have the weekend to hang out together. Ok, she might not realize it yet, but she seems to be happy, nonetheless.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
I'm so whiney this week. My apologies.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
So, here's the deal. I get restless when something big has happened. Like after a marathon. What is my next race is the first question I always ask. I'm doing the same thing now. People call me crazy. Really, my family and friends tell me to slow down. I do too much. I can't do it all.
BUT. Here I go again. I'm not overly happy with the work situation right now, and that isn't helping. I decided to start preparing for a fall half marathon and a full. But that doesn't seem to want to quench this restlessness. So, I'm considering continuing my education. I'm thinking of doing an MBA program online. But I'm not sure how credible they are. I don't want to be away from my Sugar Plum for too long, so going to class seems a bit out of the question.
Part of it might be knowing my friend got married today. CONGRATULATIONS, I say!! Woohoo!!! And I'm so happy for her. I have a baby. Life changes... we're going with it. But I feel like with this next chapter, there might be something more. So, I guess you can call me crazy. I'm going to try to figure out how to get un-restless. (I could always start the process to adopt #2, but I'm not that crazy yet, HAHA, I'm having TOO much fun with Sugar Plum).
Really, I love my little SP. She's just amazing. And the funny thing is, I say that every day. She was sitting by the door again today (waiting for Mama?) when I got there. Too cute. :) I even got a big smile. She made my day.
That's why it makes work stress seem trivial. And important at the same time, because, well, frankly, I don't feel like tolerating being treated like a 2nd class citizen because I have a child, or because I'm a woman, any more. There, I said it. Bah Humbug.
Whine, whine, whine......that's what I feel like doing tonight. I know it is just my getting back to work and on a schedule... but I'm restless. What more can I say?
PS. I'm trying to figure out what to call my little dumpling here, because I'd like to try to keep a modicum of anonymity (ha, big words...didn't know i had it in me, did ya?! hehe). I don't think I've done a very good job so far. So, I will likely use different 'fun names' until I pick one for sure. :)