So, yesterday was long. Very long. Little M was so exhausted. She cried and cried for a bit while I was holding her and then she fell asleep. As I think I mentioned, she wouldn't take a bottle or anything last night. It was tough on me. I'm a big baby. I, of course, wanted to fix it, but couldn't. I worried all day today. I know she likes daycare, for what it is, but she definitely needs her Mama. For that, I am grateful and scared. There are going to be long days. We're going to have to get through them together.
So, today was a bit better. I didn't work as long. But I had a terrible headache all day (probably from worrying). I know I can't change or fix everything. I just can't. Some things can't be fixed. But I can do my best to be here for her and let her know I'm not going anywhere. She's stuck with me!
When I went to pick her up, she was sleeping. It was a little harder to wake her up, 'cause she's still so tired. She slept pretty well (from what I can tell) last night, but she's not getting the naps she needs. While we were still there Little M had another bit of a meltdown again today. The daycare workers were shocked. They hadn't seen her cry. I sat there with her and rocked her for a few minutes before trying to leave, because I wanted her to know regardless of where we are, she can count on me. (Who knows if she can comprehend that yet, but I figure if I keep trying she will .) We did have a better evening. She still didn't eat as much, but she had part of a bottle. We played. We laughed. She seemed like she was still over-stimulated tonight, but fell asleep with me holding her eventually.
We played pattacake and she 'walked' on me (we play the up/down game a lot, and she took a couple of steps on my stomach today, which was fun). I feel like maybe she is trusting me a little more because she is allowing herself to cry with me, as opposed to being happy all the time. Don't get me wrong. I love it that she's happy. But today, it occurred to me that might be her way of protecting herself just like others do in other ways.
I guess that's enough rambling.
Are We Really Unhappy?
12 hours ago