Thursday, August 16, 2007

Better day

So, yesterday was long. Very long. Little M was so exhausted. She cried and cried for a bit while I was holding her and then she fell asleep. As I think I mentioned, she wouldn't take a bottle or anything last night. It was tough on me. I'm a big baby. I, of course, wanted to fix it, but couldn't. I worried all day today. I know she likes daycare, for what it is, but she definitely needs her Mama. For that, I am grateful and scared. There are going to be long days. We're going to have to get through them together.

So, today was a bit better. I didn't work as long. But I had a terrible headache all day (probably from worrying). I know I can't change or fix everything. I just can't. Some things can't be fixed. But I can do my best to be here for her and let her know I'm not going anywhere. She's stuck with me!

When I went to pick her up, she was sleeping. It was a little harder to wake her up, 'cause she's still so tired. She slept pretty well (from what I can tell) last night, but she's not getting the naps she needs. While we were still there Little M had another bit of a meltdown again today. The daycare workers were shocked. They hadn't seen her cry. I sat there with her and rocked her for a few minutes before trying to leave, because I wanted her to know regardless of where we are, she can count on me. (Who knows if she can comprehend that yet, but I figure if I keep trying she will .) We did have a better evening. She still didn't eat as much, but she had part of a bottle. We played. We laughed. She seemed like she was still over-stimulated tonight, but fell asleep with me holding her eventually.

We played pattacake and she 'walked' on me (we play the up/down game a lot, and she took a couple of steps on my stomach today, which was fun). I feel like maybe she is trusting me a little more because she is allowing herself to cry with me, as opposed to being happy all the time. Don't get me wrong. I love it that she's happy. But today, it occurred to me that might be her way of protecting herself just like others do in other ways.

I guess that's enough rambling.



  1. We're going through an eating (or lack thereof) thing with Zoe too...I feel your pain and know what you mean about wanting to fix it. Hang in there!

  2. I'm glad today was a bit better. I think you are doing the best you can, so hang in there! And I totally think it sinks in that you will be there for her when she needs you.

  3. Glad to know things were better for you today.