Friday, February 6, 2009

My Own... and having a child

I've been wanting to write this for some time, so this is not an admonition to anyone... just thoughts from my heart.

Questions from people:

1. Do you want to have a child of your own someday (asking me after they know I'm already a Mom)?
...answer: I have a child of my own.
...response: Well, you know what I mean...
...answer: Yes, I know what you mean... you mean do I want to have a biological child. I don't know. But if I have another child he or she may come from adoptin.

2. What about her REAL mom?
...response: Lil M has two real mothers. I, however, get the absolute joy and blessing of raising her.

Adding to that, most people assume that either I or Lil M's bio Mom is the "real" mom...and discount the other. I don't feel that way. Most believe the bio mom is the real mom. Just like they assume that "having" a child equates to "birthing" a child. Just because we've always allowed people to equate having to birthing doesn't mean it is that way, nor does it have to be that way.

If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten. And, in this case it is crap (IMO). Sorry.

I wish so much that we could change how people talk sometimes... it's so ingrained in us and we don't realize it can hurt someone's feelings. I do believe people don't say these things to hurt my feelings... but it does. And, God knows how it might make Lil M feel. And that's my priority. I never, ever want her to think she's not "my own child". Because she is. I also want her to know that she has two very real mothers. We just don't know one of them. That doesn't make her any less real, though. Just like it doesn't make me any less real because my blood doesn't run through her veins.

Speaking of which, if you want to get Biblical about it, we ALL share the SAME BLOOD. First from Adam and Eve and 2nd from Jesus. So... ponder that....


PS. Mia means "my" or "mine" in both Latin and Italian. One of the reasons I named her that.


  1. I did not know that was what Mia's name means. How perfect. I hope I have never said anything to hurt your feelings, Mis. You know we love you both.


  2. Thank you so much Hannah! I thought it was pretty perfect, too. It is also short for Maria, which is what Mommaw always wished her name was (at least that's what she told me!)... and a derivative of Michal - which is my brother's name. So, it was HUGELY fitting.

    I know you didn't mean anything by your comment or anything in the past. I just felt like I should write what I was thinking. I hope I didn't make you feel bad at all!!! We definitely love you all too!!!


  3. Couldn't agree with you more - especially about both moms being 'real moms': I know it is not how everyone sees it, but each to their own. Hannah was born to a real woman - and life is too short to be forever saying 'biological mother.' One of the first comments I ever got - and it still stings - was 'do you know why her mother didn't want her.' Nothing I know about Hannah's origins gives me the impression she wasn't 'wanted' and I understand why her mother couldn't parent her. Like you, I wish people would learn - or be open to learning - about the kind of language that can hurt.