Thursday, February 5, 2009


Today I'm reading articles related to the woman who had octuplets. Yikes. I know I don't know her whole story, so I can't really comment other than to say that I can't imagine having 8 babies inside of me (can anyone??) ... or 8 at one time... or 8 ever (j/k if they were spanned out maybe... maybe not, who knows). I do, however have this obsession with large families!! I love to read about them.

It got me thinking about my single-ness, single motherhood by choice, and adopting vs bearing a child or children. As far as I know, I can bear children. No reason to think I couldn't. Have I had the urge to carry a child in my womb? Not so much. This is for a variety of reasons I will not go into, but I did and do want to be a MOM. So, I adopted. And, if I choose to have more, it will be via adoption (99% certainty). What I wonder is why people who know they have a problem with fertility choose to put themselves through so much pain to try to bear a child. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think that birth is amazing. I've seen it first-hand with my sister. I get that. But, from what I've read and heard, fertility treatment is really sucky. For a variety of reasons... doesn't take, miscarriage, medicine reactions...

I guess this is where adoption seems to be "second best" in a lot of peoples' minds. Which saddens me so much, because I Just Don't Get It. (i would be more emphatic, but then you might think I'm yelling at you! lol)

I can't imagine my life without Lil M, and frankly, I am SO glad I took that route. I guess it could work out differently, but so could a child birthed into the family. Anyway, it's just what's been on my mind today.

This is absolutely not to point fingers at anyone. I know we all have different perspectives and such. I just wonder. Adoption is such an amazing experience... I pray that others will open their hearts and minds to that option.



  1. I have no desire to carry a child in my womb. Adoption oh yes and when we are again stable will be checking back into it all. The woman who had the 8 babies had three sets of twins already the same way. Her parents had already gone bankrupt to help her with the 6 now she has 8 more. Amazing. That is what I say!

  2. i hear ya on being stable... i've GOT to get some stuff paid down, and then i can figure out my next move... i wish China was still open to us singles. boohoo.

    i can't imagine how she was able to do it with no job and all. that's the part that is shocking to me. well, besides bearing 8 babies at once. Yikes. lol

  3. “Adoption is such an amazing experience... I pray that others will open their hearts and minds to that option.”

    Me too.

    I like big families as well. The holidays - especially Christmas - makes more sense to me when there are children around.

    I can't see myself carrying eight babies around for nine months, although I'd like to. But not until I meet the right guy first;0)

  4. I've always thought that perhaps why many people want badly to have a biological child may be driven by instinctive biological survival-of-your-genes. I'm not saying we're just animals, but in some ways we're driven by basic needs and desires that God may have put into us. It's hard though for me to understand people who choose to have children even when they don't have the means (either financially or in other ways) to raise those children. I'm not speaking of people who later encounter changes in circumstances. I read about a couple whose combined genetics meant that their offspring had a 75% chance of having the disorder where the child would have to live their entire life in a bubble. Their first two babies died because of the disease, and the parents were told there was a 75% of chance that any of their chilren would have it. The parents decided to try again so for the 3rd pregnancy the delivery room was setup to immediately put the baby into a "bubble". Fortunately that child was fine, but I can't imagine knowingly choosing to give birth when the odds were so great the child would have to live their life in a bubble without contact with anyone. It seemed selfish of the parents. I read that story and thought why didn't they adopt? I'm not devaluing people with disabilities; I just don't understand that drive to have a biological child NO MATTER WHAT.

  5. I've always wanted to adopt a baby and having my own biological child only makes me want to adopt more.

    When there are so many kids out there that need loving homes, I'm baffled that a woman would put herself through such torture.

    But I also have a hard time talking about this topic, since I got pregnant accidentally. I feel guilty even saying that, when there are woman who would give anything to carry their own child. I have no idea what infertility feels like and who knows how I might feel if someone told me I couldn't have kids.

    Great Post!

  6. Thanks for posting on my blog - it's always fun to see new faces. I've enjoyed browsing your blog and seeing your beautiful little girl.

    I'm sure from reading my blog you can tell that I have undergone fertility treatments so I thought I'd share my perspective.

    First, I have always been open to adoption. I have adopted cousins and many friends who have adopted. As we were building our family, we always considered adoption as a path to getting there. I never worried about the emotional bonding issues or things other people seem to worry about. I did have concerns about cost and the difficulty many couples have adopting (I was in an infertility group where many of the women were hoping to adopt or had adopted so I heard a lot about this).

    We decided to pursue fertility treatments first. Our reasons: I wanted to have a baby and if I could get pregnant with a little assistance I wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth too. If I could have a baby that might have my mom's laugh or my husband's eyes, that seemed fun too. We were lucky that our fertility treatments were almost entirely covered by insurance so this was by far the cheapest option for us.

    This was the choice we made and it worked for us (I am obviously very responsive to fertility treatments as both of my medically-assisted pregnancies happened on our first try). I have a family that I love. If I had taken the adoption path, we would have been on a different road but I know I would have also had a family that I loved.

    Both options have positives and negatives. Both paths usually involve stress and pain. Both paths usually involve money. And, hopefully in the end both paths lead to happy children.

    Hopefully, this doesn't feel like a hijack. I appreciated your perspective and just wanted to add something from the other side!

  7. Hi Courtney!!!
    No need to worry about a hijack! lol. LOVE your perspective. That's partly why I threw it out there. You are so right... both have stresses and blessings. I guess I was more thinking of those folks who try and try and try and try with no end in site... and lots of meds... and pressure on themselves. I just feel for them.

    Not that adopting isn't stressful. It is. But the pressure isn't on my "body" to produce. That somehow makes it a little easier for me to understand (obviously, since that's the path I took, again, there is no reason to believe I couldn't conceive). :)

    Thank you for sharing!!


  8. I took a current social promlems class during January and we talked a lot about adoption, fertility treatments, ect. It was so interesting! I think there are somewhere around 300,000 or 300 million children who are orphaned in the world. A friend of mine said that she wouldn't feel right about having children of her own because of all the children up for adoption. Mind you, she's my age and will probably change her mind a million times before she actually has or adopts children.

    I would probably try to have children of my own even if it required fertility treatments just because I want to know what it's like to have a child growing inside me. Of course I love adoption though, and you know that I have wanted to adopt from China for years, but I think i would want to have at least one of my own. Then again it's not really my choice. Whatever God has in store for me. Isn't that amazing to think that even as Mia was in her biological mother's womb, God knew her her REAL mom was? I think it's Psalms 139 that talks about how He knew us before we were formed. Oh I love it! I love you guys too! Give Mia a big kiss from Aunt Gay-Gay and the rest of us!

    Love you!


  9. Hannah, thanks for your thoughts!

    One minor thing... Mia is "my own"... so I have "one of my own"... that is kind of a hard phrase for adoptive families because people sort of discount it. Someone asked me a couple of weeks ago "did I want to have a child of my own?"... UGH. I DO have a child of my own.

    I do understand you'd like to have a biological child. Which I think is great. :) Love to you all!! Hope to get to see you sometime soon.