Wednesday, February 11, 2009


I've wondered sometimes why they put Adoptive parents under a microscope before allowing us to be parents, whereas a "normal" person can just have a baby (or LOTS of babies) on a whim. One thing that occurred to me (DUH) was that our children are special. And I don't mean in a bad way, but they do have one thing in common that biological families don't...and that is loss. I, personally, think it is the responsible thing to check on the person/people that will parent a child from that unique perspective. Think about it. Our children had a parent or parents who decided that, for whatever reason, they could not raise into adulthood. They were left. Some with a plan, others with none. This is a tremendous loss. I believe that it makes an enormous impact on our children, regardless of how old they are, because sooner or later they will know that they were given up by someone. And that age-old question might arise... am I lovable? How can I be lovable if my (bio) mom and dad left me? Gave me up?

Of course, it is my hope that I can always show Lil M that she is lovable and loved (always and forever) by me. And, frankly, it is a replacement for her. That doesn't make it any less important or genuine or viable. It could make us different, but it is our normal. I can't parent from a negative place, but I do need to keep it in mind. I need to remember, for her sake. So, that when she needs to she can talk to me about it.

I am highly biased, for sure, but I believe it takes a special kind of person to parent a special kind of child. The wonderful thing is that I also believe that we are ALL special in our own ways and that God puts us where we learn, grow and love each other using those attributes. We just have to figure out what that means for our own lives. I wish everyone could experience the journey of adoption. But I know that isn't realistic.

By the way, I'm not suggesting that other children don't suffer losses. They do.



  1. Your are right though! A lifetime of loss can lead to a lifetime of low self esteem. I was adopted as a 5 day old infant, and I still deal with abandonment issues and loss issues that I never really was aware of. My children had parents who they watched die. Imagine the loss issues! You are absolutely right. I think that all parents should be held to the highest standards, but our kids have already loved and lost, and we definitely don't want that to happen again! Thanks!

  2. SO WELL SAID Melissa. I think people forget that when they get caught up in the tedious frustrations of all that paperwork.