Thursday, June 5, 2008

First Mother, Second Best

So, someone I read yesterday said that Adoptive parents always choose adoption as the 'second best' thing to procreating. Hm. Well, they don't know me. They picked on people who believed that Adoption was something God wanted them to do. Hm, again, they don't know me. They said that Adoptive parents don't give first mothers enough dues... and that the like...

Let me talk about that one. First Mothers. I know that my daughter was born of a different mother. And if I could find information for her, I would. Did I ever really want an open adoption? Well, not so much. Would I have done it for her, yes. More because I know it would have been hard emotionally, but that wouldn't have stopped me...I don't think. Do I worry there'd be confusion for Lil M? (Yes. Is it a moot point here, yes) But I also believe that if that is the way we are to go, that's the way we will find. I would hope that she wouldn't feel the need to "choose" if it ever did happen. She has two mothers. One who had to part ways with her for whatever reason... we know that, but not why. And me, the other mother who gets to spend as many days and nights as I possibly can getting to know someone so amazing and happy.

Now, as for being second best or a second choice or a plan B. She was NEVER that. Lil M was my FIRST choice. I could have procreated. I wanted to adopt.

Due to my own parenting flaws, I haven't fully decided about a 2nd child, as of yet... no fault of anyone. As Ellen says, if they were ALL like Lil M, everyone would have one!! She is, indeed, a blessing. *Now before you all tout my wonderful parenting skills... I have a temper some days. I get frustrated over stupid crap. I get over it. And I love her more than anything... but I'm SO not perfect. ;-)

Just some more thoughts...



  1. So good points. Why do people have to pick on adoptive moms? I just don't understand. I am waiting until Glenys is a bit older before taking on #2 and I have to work on my temper too. Parenting is hard no matter where you start be it birth or adoption but the payoff of being with that perfect kid (yours or mine) is worth every bit of it.

  2. I love reading your blog and I totally agree with your post. Yes, we did try infertility treatments first but after the first IVF, I knew right away that I wanted to adopt. Biology just isn't important to me. I don't look at Gracie as second best or plan b either, I just look at her as my wonderful, amazing daughter. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


  3. I agree. I think for many APs (especially the married ones) adoption is the second choice, the runner up. Adoption was always my first choice. I've been talking about adopting since I was 8 and at that time I had never known anyone who was adopted or who adopted.

    I think it useful to read adoptee blogs because it does give us insight into the issues our kids will face, but never tell us. I certainly hope this generation of APs is better than ones of previous generations.