Sunday, September 28, 2008

Thoughts... ramblings...

So, for the past year and a half (actually, year and 8 months), my sister has been going through an awful time with her soon-to-be-ex... It started February 2007 with his 2nd DUI/OVI charge, and will *hopefully* end this Thursday. Finally. That's hoping too much, probably, 'cause it never seems to end.

It's been rough on all of us. Sis, of course, has had it the worst. Her WHOLE life has changed. New house. Not getting to see her son... trying to prove BIL is an absolute, complete liar.... the list goes on.

For me, well, I've been right there in the thick of it. Where else would I be? Well, I guess I never meant to be, but I'm fairly protective of sis. As most know, I'm a twin. I have this overwhelming sense of loyalty to her. Always have. So, this break-up is hard for us all, 'cause it was my family too. We spend days, weeks and months together, all of us. They were my life. Which is kind of sad.... but true. Then comes the 2nd DUI, her moving, the divorce papers... and my new daughter and life. Life has been very stressful.... the good and the bad. I would spend every last dime I have to get Chase back for Mindy. And I practically have. There is no guilt implied or any desire to have a pat on the back. It is just fact. And now that it is almost over... well, the bit "D" part... I'm relieved, to say the least (no offense to Sis in any way).

But here is the thing. there's been a lot of stress here too. Work, mainly. Well, solely even. Never have I had such a tough time with people I work with. It is so odd. I realize I've changed over the past 2 years... especially since Lil M came home. My priorities are different. I don't take as much crap from people. I take more time for myself. I guess I should have realized that might change how I perceive others and how they perceive me. So, time for that realization to sink in and to move on...

Back to where I know I need to be. Regain my sanity. Stop trying to save the world, and start focusing on my own family. Not that I won't still do everything I can for Sis. I will. But part of me has to let go and let her get her feet again, too. God is in control. God has gotten us this far. Right? YES. And so it goes...

I actually thought about running today. Like actually putting on some shoes and going for a run. What a nice thought. I have become the complete couch potato in the past year. It is disgusting. My hip has been bothering me, and it still does from time to time but not nearly as bad as it did. I've been quilting. I finished 2 quilts last week. And even cut out some fabric for a new one! Wow. I haven't done that in well over a year now. I mean, I've finished a couple small pieces, but this was 2 larger ones, and starting something new. There IS hope. :D

I'm trying to get my feet under me, as well. My life is so vastly different from what it was 2 years ago. That is NOT a complaint in the least. Some of it is amazing. Some of it is downright stressful. But you know, life is always stressful. And this time I've let it get to me more than some of the others. Good reason... but...

I'm trying to get my feet under me. Pray that I do soon. (and a new job). Pray that Sis' divorce trial goes well Thursday, too, please.

God is good.


1 comment:

  1. I will pray for all those things, Melissa. I remember all the stuff with your sister and I know how hard it can be- and how hard it is to watch someone you love go through something like this.

    My thoughts are with you and with her.