Saturday, October 18, 2008


Have you ever felt like you were weighed down by worry? Fretting over everything? I know I used to worry before having Lil M, but seriously, since becoming a Mom, I've worried more in the past year + than ever in my life. It is disgusting. Believe me when I say that I believe there is something more out there than just me. You could even call me one of those Bible-thumping-Jesus-freaks... in some peoples' minds anyway. Or not. I'm not exactly Bible thumping these days... but I'm really one of those believers.

So, why is trust coming so hard these days? My friend Joe told me to just "trust". And he's dead right. It's not just a pat answer. The thing about him being right is that I feel like I'm drowning. This past year has been SO hard in so many ways. None of which have to do with Mia. It's all work stuff. I've never had such a hard time in my whole life with that. One minute things seem to be going Ok and then the next all hell breaks loose.

Deep breath, Melissa, deep breath.

And the thing is, that God has always been there for me. As my other friend tells me, I also do my part... and I do try. But, boy has God been there for me. You know what this reminds me of? When I first became a Christian 16 years ago. OMG, that makes me feel old! Yikes. But it is true. I went through a lot that year...and I came out the other side. This time it is more than just me, you know? It is Mia too. And that might be why my heart feels like it is going to come out of my chest every time something else happens.

No, you don't need to commit me yet. This is why I haven't been writing on my other blog or here with some of this... because I figure people will think I'm crazy... I do not like being such a worrier. It has gotten out of hand this past year or more.

To you Lord, I commit my spirit. I put my trust in you.


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