Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Adventures with Alice and some day Little Sis too!: "CHALLENGING THE HORRORS OF ADOPTION"

I like adoption posts, and this is a good one.

Adventures with Alice and some day Little Sis too!: "CHALLENGING THE HORRORS OF ADOPTION"

It's a great post from a fellow adoptive Mama. :) It is encouraging to me. And, of course, I have some thoughts on the topic. My thoughts are based on the comments to the article she posted.

Adoption is not bad, negative, evil, less than,.... neither are our children. They are good and kind and empathetic and loving.

Does adoption cause pain? Yes. So does almost every other thing in our lives in some way or another. We live in a fallen world. But it doesn't mean that they are destined to have awful lives. Most of our children grow up to live very happy, healthy, productive lives.

I feel like I need to add that I do not like the premise of the movie Orphan (which is what the link and article above are about). And when I read the comments on the article, it disturbs me even more. **Most of this rant is not geared toward this movie, it is really about how people choose to hurt and judge each other.

Some people are just so insensitive to other people's feelings and needs. And to tell people that it is wrong to have their own feelings about a movie is just not right. Some adoptees might not like it. Some might not care. But it should be OK to share those feelings because it helps us all to process. And if it convinces even one person to be more sensitive to the needs of our adopted children, then it is important.

But, some seem to say that it is wrong to say something about a movie when there are more important things to deal with... like the ability to get their own birth-family information and feel like they were ripped off because they can't...or because they have a new name. While I can understand the intense frustration, it has nothing to do with this particular movie or the negative it represents.

IMO, stories of an adoptee being evil because they were adopted OR of an person is bad so they were not good enough to stay with their biological family is just crap. Yes, it is fiction. And, some people might write and think these things because of their own innate fears, or hurts... but it puts way too much pressure on our children and those that adoption affects... Tries to make adoption out to be a bad thing. It is not. Could it be better? Yes. Would it be nice if we were in the Garden again and didn't have to worry about such hurts and things as disruptions of families for any reason? YES. But, adoption serves a purpose and, personally, I'm grateful for that.

We're not all cookie cutter replicas of each other. And, if this movie hurts our adoptees or keeps someone from adopting, then that makes me sad. Do I think the movie needs to be banned, no. But I do believe peoples' feelings need to be respected.

It does not surprise me that adoptees may feel like they were reason they aren't in their first family. But to sensationalize that is just disgusting to me. No wonder people talk about adoption in hushed tones. If you aren't involved in adoption, it might not make sense why it is so important to adoption-affect families to raise up against this type of movie. I guess it would be nice to be in that perfect little world, with that perfect little family... (or maybe not.) But this is real life, and frankly, no family is perfect regardless of how it is formed. But I'll take mine over someone elses any day. And, I'll fight for it, too.

In the end.. I'm just tired of people always judging others for being different or having something different than they have. Why does it mean that what I have is less than what you or they have or vice versa?

Really. We're all just trying to muddle our way through this world. Why be so mean to each other?



  1. Just to clarify the post wasn't mine - it came from the NY Times -
    I thought it made a lot of sense and blogged it to remember it.
    Hope that helps,

  2. I did realize that. I can try to make it more clear, if you think I didn't... Most of your post was part of the article, but I was hoping people would go check it out. :) It was the best part!! LOL