So, I haven't been writing as much lately... I think it has to do with the fact that my boss found my blog. And read the whole thing. Not that I had it super locked down, but I guess I didn't figure it'd be that easy to find by my name. So, now I'm not sure what to do. I am having sort of a hard time writing because of it.
For example, I really want to write about how I'm not motivated these days. And, not only that, but I have no idea what is next on my plate. I guess it's sort of like marathon let down. When you train and train for a marathon, then run said marathon, you can get the 'marathon let down' afterward because that goal is accomplished and you have nothing else on the horizon. That's me, I think. I'm super goal-oriented. I mean, some people might call it something else, but really that's what I am. I do not know what it is like to not have a goal.
And, right now, even though I want to have a 2nd child, it's not a pressing goal. Mainly due to funds... and, so, that's leaving me feeling like I have no big goal right now. I could try to go back to get an MBA or a different higher degree. Maybe law. But, then that'd take time away from Lil M.
I could go back to marathons... but, I'm so not motivated right now (oh, and I'm registered for 2 fall marathons. yeah right). It's harder than I thought it would be with Lil M... to run, that is. I don't like "having" to run on the treadmill every time. But if I don't, I don't have anyone to watch Mia... or I have to take her in the running stroller. Which is harder for me than I'd like it to be. It's heavy. Oh, it's a nice stroller... I'm not complaining about that. But it's not like it used to be when I could just throw on some shoes and run out the door. It's getting me down. And, my running friends are pretty flip about it. Just go run, they say. OK. You run with a 35+ lb stroller/baby and let me know how often you want to go.
Anyway. I guess whoever reads will just have to realize that I'm human and if they judge me, so be it. Otherwise, I"ll have to shut this one down and start over. And, I don't really feel like doing that.
You Make Yourself Sad
1 day ago