I went to the local Chinese restaurant tonight to get take-out. The guy at the counter and I had what I thought was an odd conversation... he said "she's Chinese" (and about the same time, I said, she's from China, 'cause he kept looking at her... he said, "I know")... then said she was lucky (typical comment... I'm very lucky, too)... and that adopting from China is harder these days. Mentioned money, weight, and divorce. Um, yeah. Then asked me questions about divorce, "are people who have been divorced allowed to adopt?". I said what I knew, but that it didn't pertain to me.
I was just glad that they still let Single people adopt when I did.
His tone was odd. I'm not sure why. But I couldn't place the tone. Was he upset that I adopted from China? If he didn't care or feel something at all, why did he ask? Then he asked me how much the adoption cost. None of his business, for sure. I just kind of tried to be vague. Was totally taken off-guard. I guess I was hoping it might be a woman at the restaurant tonight. This was our first experience in a Chinese rest. since we've been home. I wasn't expecting the questions. I guess I've been lucky so far that people just tell me she's cute and move on.
The really interesting thing was that Mia kept clinging to me. Went to put her arms around me, even. He noticed and said she's already close to me. Um, yeah. She clung to me twice, for sure. Like, please don't leave me here... (I don't think I'm exaggerating, if that means anything.) She just doesn't normally react that way when we're around other people. So, I'm guessing it is because he was Chinese and maybe sounded somewhat familiar.
And then when we got into the car she was all kisses... She's been with me for 6 months. This was our first time like this. I am very happy that she clung to me... I told her several times on the way to the car that she was MINE and going home with Mama and that I would never leave her!!! :)
I do wonder... did she know (consciously or subconsciously) that he was from China and that she wanted to stay with me, Mama? Oh, how I love my daughter.
Fooey on the world. She's just a girl. I'm just a mom. I'm ok, really, just feel like it was my inauguration into what people say to our children.
Peace.
An Infertility/Loss Essay
8 hours ago
who knew Chinese restaurants would be so crazy??
ReplyDeleteI've had a couple of situations as well. I just kind of smile, nod, and walk away.... Especially when the money thing comes up.
I've also had other parents in daycare who are Chinese ask some weird questions. I asked one, if she lived in China, and said yes, and then I said,
I'm surprised you don't know more about the situation than me...
She was pretty quiet after that...
Sometimes, I find that being a biracial family is a different experience. I bet most biracial families have these stories too.
I doubt he said anything in a hurtful tone or intended to or even thought you would think so. Seems to me the Chinese see it as just a fact of life more a curiosity and they truly feel the babies are lucky to be here, no harm there. We have gotten the same questions actually from a vietnamese nail person (guy).
ReplyDeleteBeverly
My first thought was that he might have been unconfortable wondering if you had a negative opinion about China's culture and how many baby girls are in orphanages. (kind of like you were wondering about his opinions). Or maybe he wanted to be friendly but then realized it might be perceived differently. Either of those could explain his odd tone. Just a couple of thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI guess the least stressful way of coping is when in doubt, assume that people are basically nice and just being awkward.