Introspective

For some reason, today, I'm a bit *thoughtful*. Just wondering when things are going to happen, how long 'til referral, how much my life will change in a few months, how single-parenthood-by-choice is a daunting thought sometimes...

I have so much to do still. The baby's room isn't started. Her keepsake quilt isn't started. The house hasn't been gone through to get it organized (read: go through my clothes and stuff to see what I need to clean out before she gets here).

I wonder if she is born yet. Or is she is OK. I wonder if she is in an orphanage or in foster care. I wonder if she is loved or scared or maybe even both. What will she look like? How old will she be? Will she love the cats and my sister's dog? Should I get a dog? Will she love shoes or purses? How about hats? Stuffed animals or baby dolls?

I've been sewing like crazy this week, and I wonder if it will even help. I want to buy her stuff now, but I am already freaking about how I will come up with the rest of the money for the adoption and trip. How much time should I take off when she gets here? What will my boss and co-workers say? Will this hurt my career?

I did call a couple of daycare places this week, too. I need to go do some visits. Will I be sad to have to take her to daycare?

So many thoughts and questions today. Probably 'cause I'm so tired from staying up too late this week. oops.