Crabby still

As much as I've tried to be positive this week, I'm still crabby. I'm not sure why. I know the referral will come when it will, so I just need to relax and wait. Sis' situation is getting a snad better. But for some reason, I still feel like crap and am not in the greatest mood.

I'm trying. But no succeeding today. Ugh.

It'll all be fine, I know.

Oh, the 3 positives from yesterday:
1. Maggi sat right down when I brought her in yesterday morning. For the 2nd time ever, withought my prompting.
2. She was a total snug-bug yesterday morning before work. That cheered me up a little.
3. My head and back didn't hurt as much as over the weekend, or now, for that matter.

The weather was totally sucky last night (downpour and hail). Maggi had an accident in her bed while I was at work yesterday, and had to have a bath. But, now she smells good. :) She does pretty well being brushed, but not so much being blown dry with the hair dryer, lol. Manna, on the other hand, doesn't even like to be bathed or brushed! Go figure! haha.

Peace.

Maggi's first run/walk

Ok, so it was about 1 mile... but it was great! Maggi and I went for our first 'official' walk (run) around the neighborhood. So, she's not fond of cars. And, she needs to learn to heal. But she did it! She ran even better than she walked. (Just like her Mommy, I might add, hehe. Ok, not exactly, but I do like to run and it gets it done faster than walking!) What a girl! She was VERY thirsty when we got back!

I'm half tempted to actually get dressed to run, and take her out again. haha. (i'm sure i was a sight in my work clothes and shoes... really, we just went for a *walk*, grin.) Anything to help make me feel better (emotionally, that is, and this certainly helped)....

WOOOOHOOOO!!!!!!

--in my best sing-songy voice ever-- I've got myself a RuNnInG DOGGIE!!! (who right now is pulling every single toy out of her new open cushion bed!)

::BIG GRIN FROM A VERY PROUD MOMMY::

Peace.

There is always something good

Well, after my "M" illness from hell this weekend, there were some good things that happened.

1. Sis' deposition: she didn't have to be deposed, because after BIL was deposed, the lawyers realized that they should DROP THE ORDER!! WOOOHOOO. That is awesome. One more step in the right direction. It doesn't fix everything, but definitely a win for our side.

2. Did I mention that Sis brought the baby (read: me) an Easter toy? It is a plush kitty that opens up into a pillow type thing. It is WAY cool, and just what *I* (the soon-to-be (hopefully) mommy) needed.

3. My friend at work bought a new car and has a friend who is going to come live with her in October. It is something she wants and I'm excited for her.

4. Maggi's vet visit went wonderfully yesterday. Dr. Stacey said that she looks perfect, and was very pleased that I (we - sis helped) keep her collar on for the full 2 weeks! She is 10lb 13oz now. Everyone keeps saying she's so tiny. It is funny.

OH, and Maggi was 5 months old on Easter (and Joe's bday)!!! :D That is so fun (to me, anyway). Happy birthday, my little Maggi-Moo. I got her a new bed and a couple of toys. She's not spoiled... (that's my story, and I'm sticking to it)

Really, Maggi is just a doll. We've got to work on her barking, but other than that... She is a LOVE... loves to play and has a fantastic disposition. I just think she's the greatest! (speaking of which, my friend reminded me of the trials i had getting her... and that the excitement and sadness of lack-of-referral this weekend was sort of like that... and she is right. I'm just waiting for *my* baby daughter. whoever she may be. God bless her and keep her.)

Peace.

ps. Here are a couple of Easter pics - that poor Easter Bunny!! (oh, and i think it is time for some high-lights, yeesh).

10/26 is true

So, 10/26/05 rumor is no longer a rumor. It is a fact.

There are 3 more available log in dates for October. 10/27, 10/28 and 10/31. They are apparently HUGE. So, it might be one more month, two more months.... before I get my referral. I'm sad. But I'm ok. I've gone through so many emotions this weekend (and a non-stop-freaking-migraine attack, OMG), that I am just worn out.

Worn out.

I got some more stuff together for sis this weekend. I also made the baby's room cuter. I laid out some of her cutesy little dresses and outfits, and some of the cute toys that used to be my nephew's baby toys. My sis actually came down to trade cars back ('cause, did i mention i had a MIGRAINE FROM HELL???) and she loved it. Now, I guess I've got time to figure out how to get it really set up (she's not going to be spoiled at all, ha).

Sis was also unbelievably understanding. She said that this weekend for me is like the last few weeks of pregnancy. She would go to the doctor and they'd say... not this week, we'll induce you next week. Then the same thing happened for 3-4 more weeks. Finally, after she was a week over-due, they said they were going to induce her! I think I'm a week over-due! ROFL.

I figured everyone would just say I'm being my over-emotional self... but they didn't. I have wonderful family and friends. Thank God.

Today, my agency rep "S" said... "IT WILL HAPPEN"..... so, I will keep my eye on the prize and keep moving forward.

IT WILL HAPPEN
IT WILL HAPPEN
IT WILL HAPPEN

Say it with me.... THIS ADOPTION WILL HAPPEN!!!!

She also said that I'm allowed to vent... and tell all those folks who Worry, Fret, Get Angry, Moan, Groan, Bitch, Cry for their entire wait (in my case 17.5 mo so far)... that I don't know how you do it!!! I'd be in an insane asylum if I did that this entire time! There. I said it! This is truly the first month I've been *upset* that I didn't get my referral. I've been inordinately patient up to this point. But now, I WANT MY DAUGHTER. So, no offense to anyone out there. But, I honestly don't know how you do it if you worry this much for the entire wait. Really. We've got to relax. Remember..... IT WILL HAPPEN.

I hope you all had a better weekend than I did. I ditched everyone. My dad, my brother Joe, and my friend Joe. The "M" word (migraines) SUCK. I apologize to everyone for that.

Peace.

It's my party

So, I've had a non-stop headache for over two weeks. This includes more than one migraine. All this stress has really gotten to me. And I'm trying to not complain too much. (Maybe I'm way past that, I don't know.)

Today, for instance, I drove my sis' car to my house to get some more stuff for her. I even worked on the baby's room a little. And I felt like crap. So, I laid down for a bit. Actually, way longer than I should have. But I just feel like sleeping this weekend away. I can't do that, of course. I've got to drive back to sis' and see Dad and see my friend Joe. All of which I want to do, don't get me wrong. But I could *seriously* use some ME time. I'm frazzled.

Dad's going to yell at me, 'cause I haven't called him back. And it is Easter. I suck.

Maggi has picked up a bad habit of barking when I take her to Sis' friend B's house. UGH. She even barked some here tonight. CRAP. I just don't like that. Otherwise, I missed her. She stayed with sis for a few days this week, while I tried to get stuff together for sis and get over these damn headaches. Seriously. I can't take them anymore. But this is definitely what happens when I'm stressed.

I've run the gambit of feelings today. Anxiety, depression, sadness, fretting, worrying, fear, ..... what if, *please, God, don't let this happen*, something happens and this adoption doesn't go through??!!! I've been so patient, so far. And I know I'm just stressed, and I'm *hoping* this isn't even in the realm of possibility... BUT. OMG. I don't have words to express how upset I would be. Please, oh please, tell me this is just a little extra wait, and that is WILL happen. I realize that I worry, in general, about whether or not I'll be a good mom. Can I afford this? Will she love me? All those things... but those are somewhat normal, right?

Oh, and my 'lucky' bamboo died. :( Please tell me this isn't a bad omen. Really. I can't take much more.

I just needed to vent here. This has got to be all OK, because God has been SO utterly wonderful to me and I just believe it is where I'm supposed to be. But, today has been rough. Ok, the past week has been rough. Please bear with me. I just feel like crying. Or crawling under the covers until someone assures me that I'm really going to be OK (which is relative, I assure you), and that my daughter really does exist.

Peace.