Saturday, April 7, 2007

It's my party

So, I've had a non-stop headache for over two weeks. This includes more than one migraine. All this stress has really gotten to me. And I'm trying to not complain too much. (Maybe I'm way past that, I don't know.)

Today, for instance, I drove my sis' car to my house to get some more stuff for her. I even worked on the baby's room a little. And I felt like crap. So, I laid down for a bit. Actually, way longer than I should have. But I just feel like sleeping this weekend away. I can't do that, of course. I've got to drive back to sis' and see Dad and see my friend Joe. All of which I want to do, don't get me wrong. But I could *seriously* use some ME time. I'm frazzled.

Dad's going to yell at me, 'cause I haven't called him back. And it is Easter. I suck.

Maggi has picked up a bad habit of barking when I take her to Sis' friend B's house. UGH. She even barked some here tonight. CRAP. I just don't like that. Otherwise, I missed her. She stayed with sis for a few days this week, while I tried to get stuff together for sis and get over these damn headaches. Seriously. I can't take them anymore. But this is definitely what happens when I'm stressed.

I've run the gambit of feelings today. Anxiety, depression, sadness, fretting, worrying, fear, ..... what if, *please, God, don't let this happen*, something happens and this adoption doesn't go through??!!! I've been so patient, so far. And I know I'm just stressed, and I'm *hoping* this isn't even in the realm of possibility... BUT. OMG. I don't have words to express how upset I would be. Please, oh please, tell me this is just a little extra wait, and that is WILL happen. I realize that I worry, in general, about whether or not I'll be a good mom. Can I afford this? Will she love me? All those things... but those are somewhat normal, right?

Oh, and my 'lucky' bamboo died. :( Please tell me this isn't a bad omen. Really. I can't take much more.

I just needed to vent here. This has got to be all OK, because God has been SO utterly wonderful to me and I just believe it is where I'm supposed to be. But, today has been rough. Ok, the past week has been rough. Please bear with me. I just feel like crying. Or crawling under the covers until someone assures me that I'm really going to be OK (which is relative, I assure you), and that my daughter really does exist.



  1. My quote for the day:
    "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well"- Julian of Norwich.

    Hang in there.

  2. Hang in there! We are all feeling the same way, you are not alone! Your time is so close and thsi will happen for you. Don't lose Hope!

  3. Hang in there. This latest news of referrals has been a tough blow. I hope that you are able to get rid of your head aches. You will be a mom soon, don't worry it will happen.

  4. Were all in this together! Hang in there. I know it is hard when you are so close!

  5. I was surfing the blogs when I came across yours and thought I leave a few words...

    This is what will most likely happen in your situation:

    Months and months from now you will revisit all the worries and anxieties you've posted in almost two years and you will LAUGH! @ ALL of them...with your daughter by your side.

    Its happened to others, why not you?

    I'll keep your blog handy and check back to see you progress.