Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Single Again

Well, apparently Scott has decided to move on. I wasn't going to talk about it here or anywhere for that matter, but since he's removed me (or himself) from FB and doesn't seem to want to have any contact with me, I'm guessing it doesn't matter much what I say anywhere.

So, there you have it. I'm single again. I thought somehow that 2 years with someone would mean something and that we'd work through any issues we had, but clearly I was wrong. And, on top of it... he's just gone.

I realize I'm not technically alone because I do have Lil M, but I did love him... even if we were having difficulties. And, now I'm alone again. Again. Well, just me and Mia, anyway. Which, is probably for the best.

And what I've been suspecting for awhile now is that he didn't really love me. I believe he was here out of convenience and that wore off. And he likes to be alone (or so he has told me). What is even worse, is that I do know he cared for Lil M. But, clearly, that doesn't mean anything either.

If I was a cold-hearted bitch, I would have dumped his ass when he told me he would not, in no uncertain terms, raise a black child. (as a single adoptive parent, there are only a limited amount of choices, and Ethiopia is one of them, but he vehemently objected. he also objected to having a baby. oh, and no boys.)

But I didn't. Maybe he realized that Lil M *is* actually Asian and *is* different from himself and couldn't bear to take her in public either. Who knows.

Or. He just wasn't that into me.

You have no idea how upset I am right now. This is just ridiculous.



  1. You so do not deserve this. Not gonna give you empty words - my heart hurts for you because I have been there and it sucks. Hold on to that beautiful angel tonight. (and every night) She is all that matters. You are an amazing mother.

  2. Thanks, Lynn!!! Really.

    Yeah, Mia is laying right here on the couch sleeping... I think she knew I was upset and fell asleep... I haven't had the heart to move her yet. Plus, I just like her being here.

    Going to give her extra hugs and love that's for sure.

  3. I am so sorry. This does suck. Hope you and Mia can move onward and upward soon without wasting too many tears on him. From what you wrote he doesn't seem worth them.

  4. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sounds like he's narrow minded and inflexible, and wants things to be only one way and not change. Makes me think -- what would he have done if you and he had a biological child and it was a boy? Regardless of his hangups and biases, and inability to commit, remember you are LOVEABLE.

  5. So sorry to hear about this. Breakups are never easy, believe me I know. And while the discomfort might be at its most intense right now, eventually it will dissipate.

    But here's the good news: YOU HAVE MIA! No man can come close to the unconditional love she gives to you:0)

    Although I don't know completely what went wrong (and it's none of my business), I am somewhat troubled by the idea that someone refuses to raise a child who is black. There is a pathology at work there that is quite disturbing. I've always had a tremendous amount of respect for you (and Kris) because you were able to look outside your race when adopting a child. You may not see it, but such an act speaks volumes about you and other parents who have adopted a child from a different race- all of which is good, despite your imperfections. And we all have some of those;0)

    So, why don’t we do a man-bashing post (and yes, you can bash on me), eat lots of ice-cream, do our nails, do our hair, and watch lots of Tyra! We don’t need boys. They suck! ;0)

  6. Thanks everyone for the encouragement...

    Tom, getting our nails done and a pedicure sounds wonderful!! Let the man bashing ensue. ;-)

    As far as his and my issues, I tried to keep those as private as I could. I was upset last night, and normally wouldn't have called him out like that.

    However, I did not agree with his stance, clearly, on racial issues. The reason I opened the dialogue with him in the first place was because I wanted to see where he was with me (or not) in regard to a second child... and, apparently, he's made his decision.

    Which makes me free to make my own decisions again. I would have liked to believe he and I could get through it and come to some compromise. But, he only wanted *me* to compromise... his said compromise was to put me into a very tiny spot with no wiggle room at all. "This is the one and only way I'd consider it...", to me, that wasn't compromise. It was him telling me he didn't want it at all. And the thing is, that I still wanted to try to fix it. Why? Well, I guess I had 2 years into it and felt like it deserved more. (there were other issues, but I also felt like we could have actually worked on those... key word, but he felt like he did enough and nothing could be fixed.)

    I deserved more.

    I deserve better.

    And this is going to take some time to get over. :(


  7. I'm so sorry. To just stop talking to you with no conversation or anything is just very immature. He sounds like a butthead. I hope you feel better about it soon.

    It sucks to be single sometimes. Boys are stupid almost all the time. :-(

  8. I'm sorry Mis. All of those stipulations about children would have been serious red flags to me as well. I hope you aren't too brokenhearted, because quite frankley he wasn't worthy of either of you. I love you both!


  9. Thanks Shannon and Hannah...

    yes, men are buttheads.

    i was hoping i would find one that wasn't!!

    yes, the kid thing was a red-flag, but one i didn't know about until very recently. :(

    Love you all!!!

  10. I am so sorry to hear this. The fact that he did not want to raise an African American child hurts my heart. That type of bigotry truly hurts. You and your daughter will do just fine without someone like that in your life. And if you do decide to head to Ethiopia feel free to ask any questions. :)

  11. To answer your question - you can pick either gender - at least with my agency you can (some agencies do not allow it). Feel free to email me too - upstatemomof3@yahoo.com