Saturday, March 14, 2009

Singleness and Marriage

As a follow-up to my last post, here's a little bit more about me. I figured I'd share a little, because my life is different than that of the ones I've been reading lately. I'm not a stay-at-home Mom. I'm not married. I'm a 30-something, who adopted my child as a single parent by choice. And, for me, that's the best decision I've ever made.

I am happy with my life, and I believe I'm where God wants me to be. Not every woman has to be married. Not every person has to be married. In Scripture, Paul extols the benefits of being a single person. I'm not knocking marriage. And, as a matter of fact, I will get married if that's where my life leads me. :)

But that's not where I have been for the past few years. Oh, I dated. And dated... but God had some work to do in me before I could be ready to marry. I had to be able to stand on my own two feet and to realize my own worth before I could love someone else, too. We are all different. Some people learn early on that they are worthy of love. Others don't. And then there are those who think that Marriage is the end-all-be-all and it will make them "whole". Well, it doesn't.

God created you whole. And if you aren't feeling whole, it is because there is something you need to learn. That may or may not include marriage. It is not a reason to get married, IMO. Two whole people who get married are the ones who truly love themselves, and their mate, and put their own needs in the mix. If you don't love yourself, you're apt to put the other person first all the time, and eventually will drain yourself (possibly) of all self-esteem you had to begin with. You could be used and abused... and not necessarily even know it. We live in a fallen world.

I wish people would teach their children and loved ones, and especially our young women that it is OK to EITHER be by yourself or be with someone, but that they must love themselves. Love others, yes. But love yourself, too. It is OK to take the path less traveled. And it is OK to get married. But do it for the right reasons.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and soul and mind, and your neighbor as yourself. Just remember, that nowhere does God say that we can't love ourselves. He wants us to love ourselves. We were made in God's image, and that is a good thing. If you don't love yourself, truly, then how can you love others... truly...without being in a place of putting your own self down (guilt, fear, or no self-esteem, etc.). Think about it.

As always,


PS. This has nothing to do with my current relationship. I'm very happy with S, and we're waiting to see what the future holds for us. I just wanted to write a little about what I've learned and other options for people out there trying to find themselves and/or a mate.


  1. Awesome post. I was single until I was 38 and it was by choice. There were days when it was tough but it was only when I embraced my singleness that I really was able to serve and enjoy others. The Lord brought me my perfect mate at 37. I would have not wanted my life any other way.

  2. I LOVE this. When I had Spencer, marriage was an option, but I knew in my heart it would be wrong. I firmly believe in marriage and I don't plan on doing it until I know it's with the right person and until I know I'm the right person. I've kissed too many frogs to give up now, I'm totally waiting for my prince!