I've been thinking of one of my "sins" lately... fear. And I've come to some realizations that I thought I'd write about.
I am the type of person who doesn't fear the "big" stuff as much as the "little" stuff. For example, when I started out on the adoption journey, I didn't question that the journey was right or what I needed to do (prayer and my relationship with God gave me the confidence). I went to another country, sight unseen, and picked up my daughter who I knew VERY little about and brought her home with me. In the big picture, I knew this was the right thing for me.
The little picture, however, completely consumed me. I worried and feared everything. Not that she would be healthy, that was out of my control. But would she love me? Would she attach to me as Mommy? Would she have issues that I couldn't deal with? Would she sleep? Eat? Be too clingy, or completely deny me? Could I be a "Mom"? Could I keep up with everything? What about work? What would I do when they started treating me as a Mom and not a Professional (which did happen)?? How would I know when she was hungry? Tired? Angry? Teething?
Looking back... I just did what I had to do to get through the fears I had - I took it one day, one step at a time.
The same thing goes for me for lots of things.
Heights is one example, I'm more afraid to get on a Horse 4 ft off the ground than to stand on the side of a cliff. Why? Because I know that if I fall off the horse I will likely break something and really hurt. If I fall off a cliff... well. It's over. That's huge.
Let's see, what else. I came up with several examples the other day and now I can't think of any others! ha.
I guess my point is that I haven't always been afraid of a big leap, but when it comes to the small stuff, that's where it gets me sometimes. This seems contradictory when I look at other people and how they live. So, in this new foster/adoption journey, I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be. I'm praying about not being bogged down by the overwhelming LITTLE fears. Or the big ones. :)
Sorry for the rambling. I am not sure this made total sense, but I felt like I needed to put it out there. :)
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